I'm Sure I'll Name It EventuallyBreaktime Spoof 7
by evilspoofauthorCassi
Summary: Chapter 9 Hellraiser VS Jumanji...? Lions tigers and...killer bees. Well, it could be worse I suppose. In the meantime, let's just give the Cenobites some new toys to play with.
1. Chapter 1

**BREAKTIME SPOOF #7**

"**I'LL NAME IT EVENTUALLY, I'M SURE"**

**Mainly this is yet another thing that happens between the regular spoofs particularly when there's to be new people brought in. We have their demands and their agreement of a contract to put together. (Or they just sell us their souls for our use on the Dark Side.) For those who have not read the original spoofs, check my page here, there's links where you can still find the originals. (Removed from ff. net due to script formatting.) There are references and our entire cast of characters in residence is pretty much insane because of us. But overall you do not have to read the rest to read this one. I'll explain whatever you find confusing.**

**For our normal readers, I know it's not the regular spoofs, but you all know these Breaktime stories tend to turn out really messed up. The usual characters are still there but I've taken on several new ones I've been looking to add for a while and decided to put together something to kill time waiting on writer's block, family problems, etc and just break them all in at the same time.**

**First off to begin, you'll notice where this story is posted. (Yes it is supposed to be in Hellraiser) That'll be where the main characters come from. Second, that it has to be rated R or M. This is for blood and general gore. I really tried to use these people and not have them make too big a mess of my SpoofSet, but for those who know them well, you know that's impossible. They just can't behave….and they have no respect people's cleaned **_**carpets**_**. **

**[Archie pats Cassi's shoulder. "Let it go love."]**

**["Shut up, Pet."]**

**[The group on the floor looks up at her.]**

**["Keep scrubbing!" She orders loudly. "That carpet is going to be **_**spotless**_** or you'll be here ALL NIGHT! And I mean the WALL, TOO!"]**

**Right then, anyhow I don't own them and hold no responsibility for any strange behavior they pick up here. (We've warped everyone**_** else**_** that's come through our doors, why not these guys too?)**

**Fun Fact****: The places the other new characters are from will be listed as they come into the story. Also I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume that high ranking Officials in hell are going to know each other even if it's by rumor or name. So don't freak out if some are familiar with the reputations of others.**

**Fun Fact 2****: Cassi no longer has her trademarked skunk striped hair. The hair is now copper red, with a bleached streak in the center back. It's grown out a lot and I haven't had the chance to put it back to 'normal' yet. (Yes, Cassi does procrastinate very well. Do not put off until tomorrow what you can put off for at least another month)**

**I've also tried to keep them in character as much as possible but what can I say? Insanity is VERY contagious and we've got it in spades. So this is a massive amount of exposure….and honestly Blackheart was messed up **_**before**_** we got him, so if he corrupts anyone….in particular, we are not responsible for that.**

A/N For those unfamiliar with the regular spoofs (this note will **not** appear in the yahoo group version) Characters are going to come from a variety of different places. There's not enough space here to name all as I don't yet know who will be in residence during this story. Needless to say the major residents some with us for years and have new lives that have happened during the spoof series (like Dr. Carter from ER being Ardeth Bay's brother in law and a Med-jai, Glory getting married to the Mummy…all this is in the regular spoof series) I **will** however point out where the more popular regular people come from. –Horatio Hornblower, ER, Titanic, BtVS, LotR, PotC, Jurassic Park movies (dino names and personalities belong to us and yes they DO talk—we have no idea how many Raptors there are because they quit wearing number tags when they got name tags), The Mummy 1&2, Narnia movies (Aslan), MacGyver (Murdoc), Blown Away (Ryan Gaerity) and Freddy and Jason will likely make appearances as well since they ARE in residence and have been appearing in breaktime spoofs for a looooong time.

**Between The Spoofs: Administration/New Peoples/Breaktime Spoof # 7 (Season 7)**

**By Cassi (EvilSpoofAuthorCassi)**

**CHAPTER ONE: "OPENING THE PUZZLE BOX . . . FOR DUMMIES"**

Seated at Cassi's desk beside his favorite partner in mischief, Archie Kennedy tipped his chair back and nodded at something Cassi was showing him on her laptop screen. She had come into the office to have this discussion with Archie, Romano and Lights because not only was her room still a disaster in addition to the laundry piles Cassi was sorting through, but her room was also the equivalent of a sauna from the heat.

Other than Cassi and her Assistants with the regular group in residence at the SpoofSet Complex, the other Directors were not present. Becca was getting married and had taken time off, and Amanda and her group had been rather busy as of lately. [Mazel tov Bex! ]

Cassi herself was just getting over bronchitis, and still had a cough and a rib misalignment from too much coughing.

Having been off filming for the last two months due to Elizabeth Corday-Romano being pregnant with what would be her last child, Cassi had decided it was the perfect time to interview the new people she had been planning to bring in from other places, including one hand-picked new Assistant Director who would fill in for Elizabeth, who had been put on bed rest. Romano remained an Assistant, though his time was divided between his pregnant wife, his stepdaughter, Ella, and his responsibilities as an Assistant. [_And the Narnia Spoof is on Temporary hiatus as Elizabeth is playing the White Witch_]

Lights would move from 3rd to 2nd Assistant Director, and the new one would act as the 3rd. As usual, Cassi had not mentioned the new Assistant's name and all the others could get out of her was that she had to negotiate for him and she had told Lightoller he had served as a British Army Captain in World War I but no amount of guessing or persuasiveness could get any other details out of Cassi.

Archie had only shrugged. He knew she would tell him when she got around to it.

_[For those thinking oh, we know who that is. Patience…I could yet surprise you. I hate predictability.]_

Now, seated at Cassi's desk, watching a movie, Archie took in the events in the movie. "Is this the new guy?"

"Who, Mr. Ash?"

"Who else?"

Cassi grinned and shook her head. "Nope, he's just a very interesting person I really thought was cool."

They were watching the 2nd Installment of what Cassi had told him was called The "_Evil Dead_" Trilogy. Archie had to admit that the man who seemed to have a lot in common with Ace Ventura was exactly the type of person Cassi would want to bring in. [Ash Williams- Bruce Campbell—this guy is too insane _not_ to get]

"I have to admit." Archie commented, shaking his head. "I _really_ like the chainsaw arm."

"Yeah I know." Cassi agreed, laughing. "I see_ lots_ of possibilities for him.

"Although." Archie remarked, pointedly. "I must say the eleven year old blond in pigtails is my personal favorite thus far. You don't get many girls that age that can beat the living crap out of someone like say Freddy Krueger." [_Movie: Kick-Ass –Mindy Macready_]

"Oh yeah."

"So where's the new Assistant?" Archie asked not giving up. "I know very well you're saving him for last."

Cassi grinned. "That transparent, am I?"

"To me you are." Archie reminded her with a smirk. Sitting back in his chair, he motioned to the computer screen. "Impress me, love."

An hour later, having seen the scenes from the movies Cassi had shown him, Archie blinked. "You want _him?" _He asked incredulously. "The _porcupine _in leather and _chains_?"

"No, not _him_!" Cassi corrected, giving him a brainduster. "I want the_ human_ half! _That_ half can jump back into the music box!"

"Aren't they the same person?"

"No, totally different." Cassi replied. "Probably used to be a lot alike, but by now, maybe; maybe not. It's like Angel and Angelus, and we separated _them_ so we can do it again. Even money says the demon side won't care about losing him. In fact, maybe_ he_ should be bribing _us_ to keep him."

Archie shrugged. "Interesting concept." He admitted. "But then a lot of them end up benefiting more than we do. Look at Glory."

"Exactly, case in point." Cassi finished. "For the moment, I need only the ones on the first list." She went on, handing Archie two lists. The puppets I've wanted for some time; get the girl and her guardian in here; the Demonic Porcupine and while you're at it_** I**_ want Blackheart. _Kidnap _him if you have to."

Archie added the last name to the top list. "And the others?" He questioned.

"We wait on the others." Cassi replied. "Chances are they'll be _requested_ to be here anyway. May as well let the new guys think _they_ got them here. Oh yeah and page Aslan. I need Him here too . . ._ before_ they get here so he can fix Blackheart." She paused, unsure of whether she was missing anything. "Oh yeah, we need a puzzle box."

"A what?"

"That freaky box you just saw on the computer screen." She explained. "Open box, get Demonic Porcupine in leather and chains come through your wall."

Archie raised an eyebrow. "Where do you find one of those puzzle boxes?"

Cassi shrugged. "Go ask Murdoc for one." She finally replied. "It's supposed to be a weapon and he conjures weapons. If he can't, we'll find another one. I happen to know where we can get one if we need to swipe one." _[Xanth talents: Most of them have one, you'll see as we go.]_

* * *

><p>[<em>Horror fans thank you for your patience on the opening scene, we are now putting the money on the screen...so to speak]<em>

Once the Lion was closed into the back office, Archie had gone on about his duties. Anticipating the blonde girl's demands, he'd made sure the correct body had been brought to the Med Lab. Blackheart and the police officer the young girl was with had already been called in, as had the young blonde man with the trunk.

Down to his last task, Archie quietly carried a sack out toward the entry to finish his job. On his way out the main door, a hand clamped down on his shoulder. Kennedy jerked around to see Jack Simpson.

Sighing he took an involuntary step back. "Now's a really bad time." Archie managed to get out quietly.

He and Simpson didn't have as many confrontations as they used to since Cassi had put a stop to it, but there were times when Jack still couldn't resist causing some misery, thus prompting Archie to continue killing him on occasion.

"The Commodore is looking for you." Jack responded, in his usual calm yet dangerous tone.

"I'm busy." Archie replied, raising an eyebrow. "And unless you'd like to be my human sacrifice, when I call in the new Assistant, you may want to get as far away as you can. He'd certainly love_ you_."

"Since when did you need a human sacrifice to call in an _Assistant?" _

Archie shrugged. "Since he's half demon and tears people apart for calling him." He answered. "Or so I'm told."

"And yet she's letting _you_ of all people call on him?" Simpson asked, amused. "Putting her _Pet _in danger? That's a sudden change."

"He can't touch me." Archie responded, confidently. "Even if weapons worked on me, I can't be killed within the Complex and you know it."

[_Assistants are not vulnerable to death or severe injury- and yes Archie is the Director's Pet_]

Jack rolled his eyes, and walked off. "I'm not making excuses to the Commodore."

Archie chose not to reply to the last comment and continued to a small disserted room off the main entry. He knew very well that Cassi took importance over the Commodore unless he was on duty—and he wasn't.

Picking up his phone, he speed-dialed Cassi. "Ready."

"Aslan says go for it." She answered. "He won't show himself until I say so."

Archie grinned and hung up. "Now." He murmured, examining the cube-shaped (courtesy of Murdoc) puzzle box. "Does this come with written directions on how to open it?"

About fifteen minutes later, Archie was glaring at the box. "Now it's officially pissing me off." He muttered.

"Maybe you should have let Jack open it."

Archie looked up at Romano who now stood in the doorway, having been sent by Cassi to see what the holdup was.

"It didn't look that difficult on TV." Archie responded looking the thing over again.

"Well, it says in those movies as near as I can figure you need someone who would be the_ type_ to open it. Something like desire for pleasure or power or whatever the heck you wanna call it. We can take it to County and let _Kerry_ open it!"

"I don't think she's that gullible, Rob."

"It could happen." He defended.

"Seriously, what do I do?"

Rob shrugged. "I don't know." He responded with a shrug. "Throw it on the floor and yell 'Open says' a me.' It may not open but hey, you'll feel better!"

Archie looked at the box in his hand and gave his own shrug. "I suppose it couldn't _hurt_." He admitted. "But if_ that_ doesn't work, I'm getting a bloody _jackhammer_!"

"I'll help." Romano replied.

Glaring at the box, Archie threw it as hard as he could in the direction of the far wall. The box hit the floor with a loud cracking noise, skidded hard into the far wall, bounced off it, losing a few splinters from the side, and finally flipped over before landing right-side up and opening . . . and upon first impact with the marble floor; Archie noticed his temper beginning to recede.

"See? That works." Romano exclaimed, clapping him on the shoulder. "Good old fashioned temper tantrum always makes things better."

Archie closed the door behind Romano and turned back to the wall where two new doorways were opening up.

He frowned watching two figures enter the room. He wasn't sure who _they_ were, having not seen all the cenobites in the few clips Cassi had shown him. The third one to enter, Archie recognized to be the one Cassi was looking for.

"You opened the box." He stated, coldly. "We came."

Satisfied the stupid box had actually worked; Archie ignored the other two entirely and approached the leader. "I'm afraid your friends have to stay here." He informed the pin-faced demon. "They aren't on the invite list."

The demon frowned in confusion as Archie continued to stare him down.

Kennedy, noticing the look, gave a knowing grin. "And oh yeah we have someone blocking your mind reading so you're getting one big fuzzy spot, aren't you?"

Raising an eyebrow, the demon did not respond, nor did he display any emotion in his blank stare.

Archie looked to the silent cenobites. "Security is really tight here and they eat people, so depending on how far past the expiration date those chaps are; they either stay here or in the waiting room." He informed the pin faced one. "Although they **do** look far enough past expiration that the Raptor Squad may not want to eat them, but they'll likely still_ kill_ them."

Still silent, the demon leaned over and picked the box from the floor, eying a couple small cracks in the side and the wood shards on the floor. "Temper temper." He finally replied.

"Yeah well next time put some opening directions on the side or something." Archie retorted, snorting. "Had it not opened when I threw it across the room, I would have had to resort to a jackhammer and dynamite." [_Oh yeah, that ought 'a get it open and yes we likely would—though _more_ likely it would be C4 in a vomit basin_]

"It needs no directions." The demon pointed out. "It opens for those who desire it to open." The creature's black eyes took on a more amused look. "So where is the one who _**told**_ you to open it?"

Archie met his gaze with a sly grin. "In the office." He replied, motioning to the door. "And I'll bet you'd just _love_ to meet her too, wouldn't you?" (_We learned this look from Hannibal Lecter _;))

As if smelling a rat, the demon didn't move. "Bring her_ here_." He growled, not blinking.

Archie gave a shrug. "Okay." He replied, pulling out his phone.

As soon as he turned his attention to the phone, hooked chains came out of nowhere.

Archie didn't even flinch. The chains stopped in midair an inch from wherever on his body they were aimed, much to the demon's surprise. From his phone, Archie looked back at him. "Did you want those back?" He asked, pointedly raising an eyebrow. "Everyone tries that at least once. My talent blocks anything it sees as a weapon so none of those knives will work either. It's a basic force field but effective nonetheless."

The chains vanished and the demon's jaw tightened.

From the side, the two cenobites both looked to their leader obviously confused.

Keeping his gaze on Archie and his attention fixed on what the young man was saying over the phone, he motioned them back through the gates where they remained waiting.

"Yeah I know, love, but really you know as well as I do we could do this anywhere." Archie told her over the phone. "Yeah well last I checked neither of us even _owns _that. He'd have to get in line and fight for them." He looked back over at the demon that was now finally showing some emotion, glaring at him. "He's getting very impatient, love, you'd best get in here. We'll figure out what to do with the other when he gives up the goods."

Watching the young man with the long reddish hair from across the room, Xipe Totec's eyes narrowed and he snarled. If they thought he was here to _give_ them something they wanted, they were sadly mistaken. He was not giving _any_thing away without a fight, regardless of whatever it was that was blocking his mind reading.

From the doorway a large alien in a metal mask entered. He dropped off a chair, nodded to the one with the long hair and left the room.

Weak pathetic humans.

After a moment, the female who had called for him was entering the room. "Make it quick, I miss my cushy chair already." She announced settling down in the chair that had just been placed there.

Xipe's jaw tightened again and he fought down the remark he was tempted to make. She may give off the airs of an authority figure, but it was obvious there was a lot more to her that she held back. This one was going to be an interesting study, he decided.

Eying her a moment, he tilted his head, unable despite his best efforts, to read her thoughts. "It is _you_ who called me here." He corrected. "And_ you_ who seems to want something of me; therefore it is_ you_ who should be explaining yourself."

Archie shrugged. "He_ does_ have a point."

The woman considered this. "Well yeah but I still don't see why it couldn't be done in the office." She snorted, turning back to Xipe. "_Your_ legs work just fine."

"You are avoiding the question." Xipe deadpanned, flatly, not taking to the way she was changing the subject.

"It's the ADD." She explained. "My focus on single topics isn't so good when I'm distracted, and I'm staring at those freaky guys behind you." She paused. "How do they see and talk anyway?"

Xipe, seeing the diversionary tactic again didn't respond and remained silent waiting for her to answer his original inquiry, his gaze not leaving her face.

"Do you still have that chatter-dog thing?" She asked, still staring at the two behind him. "He's _really_ cute."

Glaring at her, he held his stare.

"Geeze, _**blink**_ or something!" She finally ordered. "Do you have any idea how _annoying_ that is?"

"As annoying as the fact that you are _still_ avoiding the question?" Xipe inquired pointedly

"I'd say Plan A sucks, love." The male spoke up, casting a sideways glance at her.

"Bummer." She replied, not blinking. "Plan A was the fun one. Now we have to resort to the boring route. That's the problem with these people. Total absence of a sense of _humor_. Must totally suck to_ live_ with them."

"Yeah well if the other guy is this stuffy, I say _forget_ him." Archie retorted. "I'm not getting stuck working with some undertaker."

"If this is all you have to say, we are finished talking." Xipe finally replied. "Of course you both owe me your souls now. Shall I collect those now?"

The two looked at each other. "Um….yeah." The woman responded finally meeting his gaze. "I'm afraid that's not a possibility."

"And why is that?" Xipe remarked, with only the clenched jaw revealing his anger.

"Well, you can't give away something you don't own." The woman told him with a pointed shrug. "We already gave those away to someone else and He paid a really high price for them so I don't think He's giving them up any time soon."

"You're welcome to fight Him for them though." The man added. "We'll stay back out of the way." [_No I'm not referring to Aslan here for the record_]

Xipe frowned; noticing something he didn't like seemed to be making its presence known more each passing moment.

The woman, watching his face like a hawk, didn't miss his unsettled glance around the room. "And I can see you're figuring out that who we have in this building blocking your telepathy is making himself more obvious on_ that_ side of the room. He's been in here the entire time of course."

Behind him, in the gateway, Xipe felt the two bound cenobites backing farther away into the labyrinth. Despite the presence, he himself was unable to back up. It was obvious they wanted something important to them from him and he _still_ had no intentions of surrendering whatever it was for nothing. If it killed him, so be it. Meeting her gaze, he stood his ground.

_[we have to establish who's boss, but no worries, Aslan has his own reason for agreeing and we WILL get our payback eventually...in spades :P]_

"Okay okay." The woman finally remarked, holding up a hand, causing the presence in the room to settle back to the other side of the room. "Here's the deal. I want someone attached to _you_ to work for _me_ and we wanna know what you'll ask for in return if we were to take that someone off your hands."

Taken by surprise for once, Xipe stared at her. They wanted _what?_ "If this is about some friend of yours that opened the box, I am not letting anyone go, not for _any_ price."

"I'm Cassi; this is my Assistant, Archie Kennedy." The woman explained. "We are looking for _him_." She pulled a printed out picture from her pocket, holding it out to him.

Feeling the presence had backed off some more, Xipe moved forward to take the picture, recognizing the man featured. It wasn't the same picture he'd seen before as this one was in color but the face was unmistakable. This was certainly not the first time someone had handed him a picture of his human self, but never had anyone asked for him in this way. Did the fools really think he could just deliver Spenser to them and go off on his merry way?

"And how exactly is it you expect to accomplish _this_?" Xipe finally asked, returning the picture to the one she'd called Archie. If they even _had_ a photo of Spenser, they knew very well he was one and the same person, more or less. They had already proved it was impossible without severe consequence to separate them. Xipe had spent several months in Leviathan's proverbial doghouse for the _last_ separation incident when he'd tried to destroy the box.

"We'll handle the _how_." Cassi informed him pointedly. "All we want from you is how much you want for him. We can always return him later in perfectly working order."

"We're not responsible for mental damages though." Archie quietly murmured, looking innocently at the ceiling.

Xipe blinked. Now they were offering to _buy_ or _rent_ Spenser from him. They were completely out of their minds.

Cassi, already anticipating his logic, stood and held up two pictures. "Well, it's not as if we've never done this before. This is Angelus." She told him holding out one picture. "He's a vampire, no soul, and pretty evil."

Xipe gave a bored glance at it, and shrugged.

"This is Angel." Cassi went on holding a picture of one identical to the one she'd called Angelus.

It was obvious from the pictures that one was human and possessed a soul.

"They were the same person." Cassi told him. "Kind of like a split personality although they were both vampire; one had a soul, the other didn't. Angel and Angelus switched places depending on which one was working for us. Finally we ended up with work for them both at the same time and as a thank you for their skills; we separated them into two people, making Angel human."

"How do I know they are not just twins and one happens to be a vampire?"

"Glory." Archie cut in, holding up another picture.

Xipe frowned. This one was familiar. On closer examination, he recognized Glorificus.

Noting his reaction, Cassi held up the second picture. Glory's human side, Ben.

"You separated them too?"

"Yeah." Cassi answered. "We got rid of Ben, she got married to Imhotep several years ago and they had twins last year."

"Glorificus has children?" Xipe commented, clearly not believing a word of it. True, he knew what had pulled her from hell so many years ago and the fact that she had not returned had caused a lot of rumors, but none had even suggested she might have gotten _married_. The whole idea was preposterous. He'd personally assumed she'd been killed on her quest for 'the key' she was so obsessed with.

"Yeah." Cassi replied. "Very pretty kids they have. Good thing they look like their _mom_."

His face still absent of any emotion, Xipe returned the pictures. Truthfully, after he and Spenser had been sent back to hell together, he had found his human side that much easier to ignore. Spenser had not interfered in anything, nor was he particularly a burden. If these humans truly wanted him, they were going to have to do a lot better at their bargaining than this.

"He's not too impressed yet." Archie commented.

"That's how he normally looks." Cassi retorted flatly. "He's speechless and overjoyed. Really."

Archie shook his head. "No, he's bored out of his punctured skull." He corrected. "I know the symptoms and so should you. Are there any shiny spots behind you? Maybe he has ADD too."

"You are not convincing me to give up anything to you." Xipe finally interrupted.

"Well yeah but that's only because you don't_ know_ us very well." Cassi pointed out. "Of course if Captain Spenser _does_ work for us, he'll also end up asking for his own demands, and being I want him as a very high ranking person here, pretty much anything he wants, he gets. So if you want to put some conditions on what you want from us, you'd best do that because the demands could be he'd want to kill you or something."

"Torture, maim, humiliate, etc." Archie went on.

Xipe frowned. "I am not willing to give him up yet." He insisted bluntly.

"Okay, tell you what." Cassi suggested. "I'll give you a pile of DVD's. You get a look at what we're doing here and the things we've given out including Xanth talents, weapons, as well as any _people _they know, whether dead or alive that they've asked to get here, we've granted nearly every request. Know anyone you'd like to see again? Drive stark raving insane? Or for that matter, anyone you want to see dead? Even if they're already dead, we can bring them back and you can kill them _again_."

Xipe paused, thinking. "Anyone?"

Cassi gave an evil grin. A spark of interest. "_Any_one." She told him looking him in the eye. "Sometimes when things are frustrating, you just have to kill someone or act like an immature six year-old by throwing a tantrum. It keeps us all sane."

"Depending on your definition of 'sane,' of course." Archie finished.

"You decide if we're worth believing or working for or with, we separate the two of you, and then you specify what you approve concerning conditions regarding each other and we'll go from there." Cassi finished. "Is that fair enough?"

Xipe considered this and finally nodded. What did he have to lose in _considering_ an arrangement? He was more powerful without Spenser anyway. He held out the box to Cassi. "Next time get someone who knows how to open it." He advised. "_Before_ you break it."

Archie shrugged. "It opened, didn't it?"

"It kinda has to be able to close itself back up afterward, or they don't go away." Cassi informed him.

"And I had better be getting a sacrifice by the _**next**_ time." Leaving the two of them to sort things out, Xipe returned to the safety of the labyrinth, sighing in relief as the presence in the building he had just left disappeared behind him.

* * *

><p>"So, do you think that'll work?" Archie asked, eying her.<p>

Cassi shrugged. "Possibly." She responded, thinking. "For a second there I almost thought he was ready to fall over laughing at us."

"Was that between the expressions of disgust, boredom and 'you're full of bullocks.'?"

"No, it was when I asked what we could give him for his human side and the idea of renting it." Cassi answered. "There was some amusement in there for a moment."

Archie shook his head. "I don't believe you even asked him to_ rent_." He commented, laughing. "'Can we rent your soul for the day?'"

Cassi gave a sheepish grin. "Does that sound as desperate as I thought it did?"

After the laughing died down, Archie recovered his voice. "So what about this Elliot Spenser? Is he the side with the sense of humor too? Because this chap . . . not so much."

"Xipe has one." Cassi told him seriously. "It shows on occasion."

"He believes you have lost your minds." Aslan's voice cut in.

Cassi shrugged. "Well, of all the things I've ever lost, I miss that the most."

"What happens if it doesn't work and he won't do it?"

"Then we just take him and miss out on any fun having both of them would cause."

"That would really suck."

"Yeah it would." She agreed. "They're so much more fun when we don't have to restrain them or tie them up."

"I wouldn't worry about that." Aslan informed them.

Cassi gave a grin. "Does that mean we've hooked a big one and should reel it in?"

"As long as he stays out of Narnia with the other demons."

"Well yeah that's a given." Cassi replied. "No worries. That's why I made _Spenser_ the Assistant. Though you'll have to have a long talk with Spenser when we get him away from Xipe. I actually thought about making Blackheart the Assistant, but I'd have to get another to stand in while we're in Narnia."

"Besides Tumnus?"

"We'll have Lizzie acting and Rob being a Daddy."

"Cas!" Romano's voice called over the PA. "You've got people in the waiting room! Hurry it up with the Demonic Porcupine already!"

"We're coming." Archie responded, hitting the button on the PA.

Cassi shook her head. "Bad enough all those people who call him Pinhead." She spoke up with a sigh. "Now he's stuck with _Porcupine._"

"Demonic Porcupine." Archie remarked, thoughtful. "Interesting concept. You don't want him to go by Pinhead then?"

"_**Pinhead**_ is in the **puppet trunk**, Pet." Cassi informed him pointedly. "And that one's way cuter for the name and won't kill you for calling him that."

"Yeah, but try calling him **ugly**. . ." Archie trailed off, making a face.

_[The last person to call Toulon's puppet, Pinhead "ugly" got whacked in the nuts with a meat mallet by Jester. The puppets are very sensitive and are not to be called ugly. –yes they are from the Puppet Master movies, particularly 3-5._

_For confusion's sake, the cenobite most call Pinhead will go by Xipe Totec, Aztec for "The Flayed One" and the name he is mainly written under. Due to the fact that we have both he and Cpt. Spenser in the same place: one is human, the other is cenobite and there will be some VERY interesting arrangements made between the two, the likes of which the entire SpoofSet has __**never **__seen before, and I do mean interesting. O_O –covers the eyes of all children present-]_

_**The NEW Characters being called in: First Group**_

_Xipe Totec, Cpt. Elliot Spenser, Mindy Macready, Damon Macready, Marcus [Mindy's legal guardian], Rick Myers –The Puppet Master, Jester, Blade, Pinhead, Torch, Six-Shooter, Tunneler, Leach Woman, Andre Toulon in puppet form as Decapitron, and Blackheart (Ghostrider). __**And yes I do know that Damon Macready played by Nicholas Cage is going to be identical to Johnny Blaze but all in all, their personalities are so different I doubt Blackheart will be troubled by his presence esp. since they will be working together in the near future like say in this story. Hint hint.**_

_**Second Group [Joey will be arriving first in this group as per Elliot's request-also the Cenobite, Camerahead, will be separated into two people like Elliot and Xipe. Spenser's directions also included freeing Joey's friend and cameraman, Doc.]**_

_Joey Summerskill, Various Cenobites, Chatter Beast, John Merchant, Bobbie Merchant, Kirsty Cotton (as if there was a question of the name that came to Xipe's mind when Cassi said 'Anyone'), Suzie Myers Mrs. Puppet Master, and Ashley "Ash" Williams._

Up next: Enter Blackheart_... _


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO: "RESTRICTIONS & GROUND RULES"**

Unlike Xipe, who had been willingly summoned to the complex, Blackheart had been almost literally kidnapped. Despite his catatonia resulting from the incident of San Venganza and Ghostrider, his father had simply brought him home, where he'd spent the majority of his time staring at nothing, unresponsive.

[_We will add that there was a notation in the movie tie in book where Mephistopheles griped Ghostrider out, protesting he wanted Blackheart brought back ALIVE. Johnny says, "Oh come on! He's_ alive_."]_

As soon as he'd been taken to a lesser busy part of the complex in a wheelchair, Aslan had brought him back to his senses with a few restrictions as to what he was allowed to do. He did _not_ wish to keep the thousand souls he'd been taken down with. Nor did he ever want to take on another soul . . . _EVER_.

Though Blackheart's father had originally protested their taking his son, he had chosen not to argue with Aslan, and having now dealt with his son's condition for a few years, he was willing to negotiate even with one who would usually be an enemy.

It had not taken much to win Blackheart over. Once returned to almost his old self, he had not asked for much in return because he was mainly just relieved to be away from the souls that had been tormenting him all that time. A lesson he had learned the hard way. He _did_ however request to be allowed to kill both Ghostriders and the human woman who had helped them, but he would get to that in time.

Blackheart had been in residence for all of twenty-four hours when he came across the box. He stopped, eying it. "What's this doing here?" He asked someone behind him.

Dr. John Carter looked up from his coffee. "Cassi put it there." He explained. "It had to go in a safe place."

Blackheart blinked and turned to look at the doctor turned desert warrior as if he were insane. "Safe?" He questioned in disbelief. "It's on the counter in the _main_ break room with a hot pink _sticky note_ reading 'Open me' on the side! How is it SAFE?"

Carter's friend and brother in law, Ardeth Bay seated across from him, shrugged. "It's still there, isn't it?" He pointed out.

"How long has it been here?"

"About a day or two." Carter replied, matter of factly. "That's one of the insane things about this place. If she'd hid it or put a 'danger' sign on it, it would have been opened in the first five minutes. Like that? After Pippin opened the Jumanji box, they see that note on the side and they'll avoid it like the Plague."

"Interesting." Blackheart remarked. "Has it been opened yet?"

"How do you think it got all busted up?" Carter asked. "Archie was supposed to open it but he didn't have the desire for whatever it is he was supposed to have a desire for. So he threw it across the room against a wall. It opened."

"Then if they're looking for someone from Leviathan's Labyrinth, may I assume it's Xipe Totec?"

"Friend of yours?"

"I know him by reputation, but I can't imagine him working for Cassi. Not for any price."

"Actually, it's more his_ human_ side that Cassi wants." Carter explained. "Mainly they wanna know how much he'll take for it."

Blackheart's face twitched and a flicker of amusement crossed his features. "She wishes to _buy _his human soul." (_We want him to sell us his soul. Oh the irony_.)

"Well, barter more than buy." Ardeth corrected.

"Then she does realize that the last time the two were separated, the results were so bad that had Leviathan had a bounty hunter like my father did, he would have sent him after Xipe. "He's not going to allow them to be separated again."

Carter shrugged. "Actually with Aslan in and out and the way Cassi's mind works, it's more likely he'll be under very similar restrictions to yours and not near as powerful as he _thinks_." He answered, downing the last of his coffee. "And we won't be keeping him from his regular duties answering the box. He can always carry a beeper."

"A beeper." Blackheart snorted. "The Prince of Pain checks his pager and runs off. Yeah that sounds just like him."

"It could happen." Carter quipped, shrugging.

Watching the two get up and leave the break room, Blackheart shook his head. He'd known Cassi was insane so to speak, but this . . . they'd better prepare to give out a lot if they expected to get the likes of Totec to stoop to taking orders from the insane. And if the human side was anything like Xipe, they were going to be losing a lot on this one.

Sighing, he turned back to the box on the counter. He watched it a moment, and then turned to see if anyone was looking, a small mischievous smile crossing his lips.

When he was sure the coast was clear, he picked up a marker on the counter and moved the cube to where he could clearly see the label. Hand poised, ready to write, he jumped a foot in the air at the sound of a clearing throat.

Blackheart checked the room again. Empty. He frowned, confused.

"Put it back." The voice he now recognized as Aslan's quietly ordered.

Sighing, he returned the cube and marker to the counter and backed off, headed for the door. "Party pooper."

"They'll call him back later tonight anyway, now behave yourself, Blackheart." The Lion responded. "Do not forget that you too have restrictions."

Pouting, the son of Mephistopheles walked away from the break room headed for his new quarters.

[_And for those thinking it, yes he was going to write 'don't' on that note just to see if someone really would open it_]

* * *

><p>Later that night, not wanting to get Xipe into any trouble, nor make any more for them, Cassi handed the box to a random alien clone. 'Clone' was putting it rather delicately, considering these aliens were basically mindless raptor food created for the purpose of feeding the Lead Security Team.<p>

Despite its imparity of intelligence, it managed to open the puzzle box within twenty minutes.

Archie rolled his eyes and sighed. "C4 would have been faster."

"It might not have worked afterward though and then we'd have to have Murdoc make a_ third _one." Romano reminded him.

Making a face, Archie shrugged. "I am sooo going to blow that up when I get the chance."

"How do we know you weren't the one who put the original one in the break room microwave?" Romano shot back.

"I would if I'd have thought of it." Archie admitted.

"We have cameras in there." Cassi cut in, closing the matter. "We'll find out who did it."

The clone was grabbed by several hooked chains and dragged screaming into the labyrinth.

Watching it go by at his feet, Xipe made a face. "You call **that** a _sacrifice_?" (_Ahem: The remnants of a most unsatisfying victim :D—but hey, at least ours was alive.)_

"The _Raptors_ eat them just fine." Romano informed him, bluntly.

Archie turned to Cassi. "You could clone Simpson for him." He suggested sweetly. "I'll bet he'd even be able to open the box if you gave him time enough."

"Considering_ you_ couldn't open it, you have no place mock him for it." Xipe interrupted.

Cassi elbowed Archie and shook her head, before turning back. "This is Dr. Romano, we call him Rob. One of my two Assistants that are stepping down."

From across the room, Xipe watched with interest. He may not be able to read their thoughts here, but there certainly _was_potential that he'd find out a lot more about them if he listened long enough. It hadn't taken him very long to notice these were humans who normally spoke without thinking. _Simpson_, was it? That was worth looking into….

"Now then." Cassi went on. "You had a visitor earlier today in that labyrinth and he had a discussion with your boss."

Xipe had been answering the box earlier that day, but several of the cenobites had told him of the visitor that had come to speak to Leviathan. The cenobites he had been with when he'd come to their complex had confirmed it was the same presence they'd felt there.

After which, Xipe had gone directly to Leviathan to find out whether it was about the two humans he'd met. He had been correct, but it was more about Xipe himself, than Cassi and Archie. More specifically it had been about the possibility of once again separating Elliot and Xipe. Predictably, Leviathan had denied his permission . . . until Aslan had outlined _all_ the restrictions he would insist on if the separation were to be allowed. In addition, he'd also given confirmation that he would be watching to make sure all rules were followed and Xipe, assuming he would agree to the restrictions, would not neglect his other duties to the box.

The Lion had not been threatening, but polite, requesting not for himself, but on the behalf of Cassi, who was in need of a new Assistant; and moreover, after all the damages she and her followers had caused for so many others in the past, it was certainly time someone returned the favor on **her** turf. He himself had kept a watch over the complex since Cassi had asked him to and for the most part things got out of hand frequently, but were soon set back to right.

Naturally, the idea of working under _any_ restrictions at all, not being allowed to leave the complex unless he was returning to the labyrinth for his regular duties was _not_ Xipe's idea of a good time.

He'd found a way to go through their filmed exploits, the day they'd given him the discs. By all rights, Cassi was not lying. He'd been fascinated watching their group destroy nearly everything they touched and then put it all back again and leave, their mischief spent. Mischief itself though was not enough to sway him . . . although the amount of deaths he'd seen resulting from their rampages sparked some interest; that is until he remembered Cassi telling him they brought the dead people back. What was the point of killing someone if you were just bringing them _back?_ True, the concept of bringing people he would like to see again for different reasons was actually the only way Cassi had saved herself that day. Despite the fact that he could tell she knew partly who he had in mind. But still . . . . unless he and Spenser got together and came up with something more worth staying for, this was not going to work.

Looking back at Cassi, he gave a shrug.

Cassi tilted her chair back and sighed. "You are one hard sell-out." She remarked, thinking. "Where's Lights? I'm missing the soon to be Second Assistant."

Romano looked around. "I'll page him."

"How many do you need?" Xipe questioned. She certainly _seemed_ to have plenty of Assistants here.

"I try to have at least three main Assistants." Cassi replied. "Rob and Lizzie are temporarily stepping down. I'd let you meet her but she's on pregnancy bed rest and I've had bronchitis so I'm staying away from her."

From behind, the door opened and Lights entered the room. "Sorry." He announced before moving to the side.

"Charles Lightoller." Cassi supplied.

Though his face did not show it, something in him had recognized the name. Where had he heard that name before? _No, not you. I have. _His jaw twitched. How were they doing this?

"Is he?" Cassi asked, tilting her head.

The others in the room turned to stare at her.

"Sorry, I was talking to Aslan." Cassi explained. "And since the Captain is already showing himself, why don't we just let him out so we can all talk?"

The next thing Xipe was aware of was a brief blinding flash of pain in his skull, and then his human counterpart was seated in the chair next to him, wincing, both hands at his temples and groaning.

"Sorry, I really wasn't trying to make your head explode or anything." Cassi apologized.

* * *

><p>Just over an hour later, the final details of their terms had been completed. Elliot, who had indeed known Lightoller from a brief posting during the war proved to have a hidden mischievous side. They managed to outline a very unique arrangement that even Xipe had finally agreed to, provided they followed the basic rules of the complex. Their 'game' would not interrupt the spoof filming, nor would it disrupt those not involved…to a certain point of course. (Some rules are worth bending after all- <em>and some are just made to be slaughtered<em>)

As soon as the two had left; Xipe, headed back to the labyrinth, and Elliot, with Lights and Murdoch who would show him to his new quarters. Cassi and the other Assistants stood in silence a moment.

In the doorway, Cassi shook her head. "That was . . ." She trailed off.

"Insane." Archie finished.

"No kidding." Romano agreed. "That Spenser, he sure missed his calling when he joined the army. He would have had a stellar career in the larceny field."

"Are you sure it's safe to let that group run ramped here like that without one huge mess?" Archie asked Cassi.

Cassi shrugged. "Can they possibly top the rest of us on a Youth Elixir party?"

"Them?" Romano remarked. "In a second. Keep an eye on those Pike kids, will you? I smell a bad combination there."

"Aslan's watching our for them." Cassi assured him.

* * *

><p>(Pike kids belong to Ann M Martin from the Babysitters Club books –the original ones-) Because the Pikes are one of the most insane families of kids I've known in books and they definitely add the funnies to the spoof series. Unfortunately they're also very impressionable. Nicky age 8 has been Jack Sparrow's Assistant since he arrived. Jack Sparrow was Sven's Assistant Director. Each Assistant Director can have one Assistant….yes, our Assistants DO have Assistants. Though look on the bright side, the Assistant's Assistants don't have them yet. (Sven is no longer Spoofing so she may not be in this story at all. We'll see as we go. As of now, she doesn't even know I'm writing it.)

* * *

><p>Closing comments…..For Xipe…<p>

CASSI: The box….is NOT a beeper. The box….is NOT a beeper. The box…is NOT a beeper….

PIPPIN: I will not put the box in the microwave. I will not put the box in the microwave. I will not put the box in the microwave…

Number of Boxes broken by the SpoofSet: 1


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE: "THE BOX…IS **NOT** A BEEPER"

WARNING: The types of people we usually harass have come to _our_ turf to harass us and trash OUR building. Told you this would be the likes of something never before seen here. [Keep all hands, arms and fingers inside the ride at all times]

**Fun Fact: Time to choose up sides…**

A/N Okay for those wondering as to the full rules and object of this Game.

The specifications Spenser made included killing rights to Xipe Totec, and when he is present, he is the **only **one besides Cassi (and Aslan and likely Magneto) that can kill him. In addition to this, Spenser is the first Assistant to be vulnerable to death but **only** if it's done by Xipe. The "Game" they play is killing or humiliating each other in whatever creative way they can imagine. They are allowed any teammates they want but only _they_ can kill each other with whatever weapons they can come up with. Joey, who is probably going to end up with Elliot, is awarded with the Xanth Talent of bringing him and his team mates back to life or 'waking them up.' With so many potential gory deaths on the horizon, the Med Team said "NO!" Other details and there was more (including Elliot's _arsenal_) will be mentioned later on. We will have another to bring Xipe and his team back when they get killed, but the choice is up to him. [No comment]

The further rules for the Game players (or team mates) will be dictated by Aslan in this chapter...and yes Leviathan was paid VERY well for allowing the cenobites to join this mess. (Even if Aslan neglected to tell us he made such a payment)

* * *

><p>In the Labyrinth, after the events of the last couple days, there were predictably several rumors flying about. The one that most of the cenobites couldn't believe was that Leviathan had allowed the separation of not one but <em>two<em> of them. Dreamer, having already heard that Xipe and Captain Spenser would likely be separated again was soon surprised to hear from Xipe on his return that she and Camerahead had also been included on the deal.

Dreamer had been confused until she'd learned that it was Elliot Spenser who had voiced the condition and that it was for the benefit of Joey Summerskill. Dreamer, having grown comfortable the way she was had chosen not to be separated. Terri was happy as she was. Joey's camera man, Doc, on the other hand, couldn't be restrained. He'd been more than willing to go straight back that evening.

When Dreamer refused, assuring her leader she was content, she did however ask one request. Hearing of the place they would be going to, she had asked for permission to be allowed to visit the place that sounded like a lot of fun to her.

Mildly amused at her interest, he had agreed. Nikoletta had also requested to join him, and in addition to the two female cenobites, he was also planning to take with him the Chatterbeast, the Siamese Twins, and Chatterer. Whatever other cenobites wished to join later, he would add them as he went.

* * *

><p>Upon finally returning to his quarters that evening, Xipe stopped short at the large Lion seated in a corner. No one had mentioned Aslan making an appearance in the Labyrinth that night to<em> him<em>.

"Is there something else she wants?" Xipe questioned after a moment, wondering if perhaps he'd done something.

"Not at all." He replied, reassuringly. "I am here for my own reasons."

"I have agreed to the restrictions."

"I know that." Aslan returned. "The restrictions are another matter. What I came to discuss is the real reason I allowed them to call on you."

Frowning, the demon waited for him to continue.

"Cassi and the others, as you've seen have been causing mischief to people, whether wanted or not for roughly ten years now. They decide on people they wish to 'drive insane' or add to their number and they go after them, willing or not."

"I did notice that." Xipe admitted.

"They would have done the same with you."

"Why didn't they?"

"Because it was I who suggested perhaps **you** would come willingly."

Hearing this, Xipe seated himself in a stone chair, giving the Lion his full attention. Obviously this arrangement was about to get more interesting.

"I have been watching over that place since Cassi approached me about using Narnia for one of her Spoofs. I have been watching each of their parties of mischief since then and have seen the older ones as well. They are not always welcome in the places they destroy."

"But they did say they put everything back afterwards and no one is wiser." Xipe pointed out.

"True." Aslan agreed. "But of all places they've destroyed, they still remain particular about their own Complex. The last major mess they had there was when the Jumanji Game was opened and that was more in Middle Earth and the Shadow World."

Xipe gave a thoughtful look. "Are you allowing us to trash their complex?"

"I merely propose you will follow **my** rules first and Cassi's second." Aslan replied. "Whatever serious damages I will put back when the game is over."

"And the people we are allowed to kill?"

"Only those willingly involved in the Game between you and Captain Spenser. Whether they be Assistant or not, by joining the Game, they are vulnerable to death." Aslan confirmed. "To be brought back of course as you well know."

Xipe shrugged. "But then we can kill them again."

The Lion nodded. "The ones with Xanth talents though will still be able to use them."

Xipe considered this. He had since realized that not everyone had Archie's force field ability. The talents ranged from simple to powerful and** all** were different. However, there were also some loopholes in the talents if one looked close enough for a way around it.

"In the matter of their opening the box for you, I will see that you are paid in full and you will not need sacrifice." Aslan finished.

"Is that something I get now or later?"

The Lion motioned to a table nearby. "It is already here."

Xipe stood, walking over to the table. He frowned, seeing only a rolled piece of parchment-like scroll. "What is this?"

"It is the Contract of San Venganza." Aslan answered watching him unroll it and take a look. "It contains a thousand souls, already cursed, and the one who was in possession of it did not wish to keep it, so it fell to me."

Xipe stared in amazement. A thousand more souls to add to the Labyrinth. "Very well. We have an agreement." He finally responded, with a slow grin.

**[Xanth is from Piers Anthony's Xanth books. "**_**A Spoof of Chameleon**_**" and "**_**Youth Elixir 1**_**," the first Breaktime Spoof established a lot of the Xanth talents of our cast. People who have arrived since then have later acquired talents as they go—any Xanth talents will be mentioned as each character joins the Game, so you don't need to go back and look them up]**

* * *

><p><em>(Lucy Sparrow was originally Lucy Knight from ER: Xanth talent, Magician Class; Transformation of inanimate objects within 6ft of her)<em>

Early the next morning, Ms. Joanne Summerskill was escorted through the main foyer entrance by a blonde woman who had introduced herself as Dr. Lucy Sparrow.

Lucy had showed up at Joey's apartment very early in the morning with a Polaroid photo. Upon seeing it . . . well it was a good thing Lucy was a doctor. Fortunately she had brought medical supplies enough to cover a fainting spell.

Joey had quickly agreed to go with Lucy to the Spoof Complex. The photo had been of Elliot very much alive. He had written a small note on the back of the picture asking her to please go with Lucy because he needed to speak with her.

After Joey's shock had worn off, she had asked several questions in the car on the way. Lucy had answered what she'd been told to, but most of it she couldn't. She had, however informed her that Spenser and Xipe, the demon Joey had called 'Pinhead,' had been separated again and this time, Elliot wasn't a ghost, nor was he dead and that Xipe was in fact still in hell. (_For the moment. Shhh don't tell_) They had not allowed Lucy to tell her anything else.

Lucy led Joey into the main waiting room and showed her a seat. "I'll let him know you're here." She told the woman before she left the room. Lucy, though she was one of Sven's Assistants, not Cassi's, still wore her badge that identified her as an Assistant Director.

In the waiting room, Joey looked around in amazement at the different people not only seated in the chairs, but behind the desks or coming and going.

Across from her a blond guy was seated in a chair with a mechanics magazine. In the chairs beside him sat a group of odd looking dolls or puppets, two per chair. Three chairs over sat a blonde woman with another one seated in her lap, looking almost as if it were reading the magazine with her. (_This is because the last time they were in, Cassi objected to his keeping his co-stars in a trunk. It was inhumane.)_

Off to another side, a black police officer was seated beside a young blonde girl looking about twelve. She was wearing a school uniform and a large pink suitcase was parked beside her.

From the back door, a man and a woman both with reddish long hair came walking through. The man wore a badge reading AD1, but it was what the woman was carrying that caught Joey's attention. She had the puzzle box.

Seeing her shocked look, the man turned toward her. "May I help you?" He asked loudly.

Joey, seeing her chance stood. "I was just wondering what you were going to do with that?" She asked, motioning to the box.

The woman shrugged. "I** was** gonna take it over there and open it up." She answered matter of factly.

"You ….were going to open it?"

"Yeah." She replied. "Archie couldn't get it open and we were told not to break it…this time."

"Do you even have any idea what that thing_ is_?" Joey asked, staring.

The woman cast a sly sideways glance at her friend and finally turned back to Joey looking completely serious. "Now don't tell me." She ordered, taking a closer look at the box in her hands. "This…..is…an 18th Century-made French Beeper, right?"

Joey stared at her aghast.

From the main entry, in a group of people a young man in a black trench coat burst into laughter, sliding down the wall. "I'm gonna _tell_ him you said that!" He shouted, in stitches.

Joey's head jerked around and she frowned, getting a better look at the young man as he pulled himself back up and came closer. At first, she had seen only the black coat, but as she could see him more clearly, it was obvious that he was definitely **not** a cenobite. She did, however have the impression he was not a _human_ either, but a demon of some sort.

"You just could not resist coming down here, could you, Blackheart?" The redheaded man asked.

Blackheart gave a demented grin. "I wanna play too." He replied, innocently. "I'll follow all the rules. Just don't send me back to Daddy! Please!"

Joey's confused look became more pronounced. She knew there was a **lot **that Lucy was not allowed to tell her. Backing away from the conversation with Blackheart, she slowly returned to her seat.

From across the room, the blond man was now frowning and leaning over to talk with the woman and the puppets, it would appear. After a moment, he looked up at her and motioned to the box the other woman was now carrying off to the side and mouthed a question. "What is it?"

From the other seats, the police officer was also looking at her expectantly, as was the young girl.

"Is it bad?" The police officer questioned.

Joey chewed her lip. "It was the last time **I** saw it."

The group exchanged a glance and quickly motioned for her to get over where they could talk.

Ignoring the waiting room, Blackheart had joined Archie and Cassi with the box. "Do you have a sacrifice?" He asked.

"Grab a clone." Cassi replied. "He hates them, but hey, that's what we have. It isn't like they don't have a soul he can rip up."

"Do we have to wait for another one to open it _again_?" Archie complained.

Blackheart sat the clone on the floor and took the box from Cassi. "No, I know how to open it and I don't_ have_ a soul he can grab."

"Shame you didn't keep that thousand." Cassi remarked. "We could have given him one at a time for as long as we _needed_ him!"

Blackheart looked her straight in the eye, flipping her the bird. "F**k off!" He snapped, as he solved the box. "_**You**_ didn't have to_** live**_ with them all for four years!"

"That's five bucks in the Potty-Mouth Bucket." Archie ordered, pointing at the Compy running up with the hot pink bucket.

Rolling his eyes, Blackheart tossed the money in the bucket. Unfortunately** that** was one of the rules Aslan had confirmed were still in effect.

The group in the chairs looked up as the lighting in the room changed.

"They opened it that _fast_?" Joey asked, staring.

"I think the guy in black did it." The blond, who'd introduced himself as Rick Myers responded.

"So what now, those demons come out?" The police Officer, Marcus asked.

Joey didn't have to answer. The same pinheaded demon Lucy had called Xipe was the first one through the doorway. Though instead of taking the creature that was obviously the sacrifice, he looked at the three who had called him and went directly to the redheaded woman who seemed to be in charge.

Grabbing her by the front of her shirt he calmly backed her up against a wall.

Everyone in the room stood to get a closer look.

Xipe, unphased by being called from a corner of what was obviously the waiting room, stared Cassi in the face as he held her in place. "I need you to repeat this back to me to make sure you get it through your pathetically scattered human brain _this time_!"

Cassi, with a completely serious face, looked him directly in the eye, expectantly.

"The box . . . is **NOT **a _beeper_!"

Joey, taken aback, stared in confusion. _**What?**_!

Cassi's gaze had shifted to something off to his right. Growling, Xipe placed his hands on either side of her face, blocking out anything else. "What did I say?"

"Beats me, weren't _you_ listening either?" She responded innocently.

Off to the side, Archie was biting his hand to keep from laughing and Blackheart wasn't doing much better.

Ignoring the other two, Xipe stared her down.

"Okay okay. Yeesh." Cassi finally replied, rolling her eyes. "The box is not a beeper."

Clenching his jaw, Xipe held her gaze. "Again!" He ordered. "And FOCUS this time!"

Cassi stared him in the face, perfectly imitating his blank emotionless look. "The box . . . is **NOT** a_ beeper_!" She promptly responded.

Satisfied, he let her go and turned away.

"But if you'd just **wear** a beeper like I _told _you to, this would be _sooo_ much easier!" She argued behind his back.

Facing the other direction, Xipe ground his teeth, his fists clenched. Instead of reacting the way he wanted to he merely drilled the clone on the floor full of chains and ripped it apart right where it sat in the corner of the waiting room.

(Much to the surprise and disgust of a lot of people standing around…and we will mention some had to run for the bathrooms.)

Cassi stared in outrage. "What have you done to my _**floor?"**_

Xipe turned looking completely innocent. "_**You**_ were the one that put it here." He pointed out. "I just accepted it."

"Archie?"

"Yes, love." H responded. "He says to say when."

"WHEN!" She shouted.

From the back door, a figure in black cenobite leather emerged, a black bandanna over his head and a sawed-off shotgun in his hands. Showing vividly was the badge reading 'AD3.'

Xipe turned just in time to see a grinning Spenser pull the trigger.

Cassi, Archie and Blackheart had wisely stepped back out of the way.

Elliot walked over to the dead demon on the floor that had been shot just below the neck. "Five points!" He announced to another figure standing in the same doorway. He looked back at Cassi. "Sorry for making the mess on the floor bigger."

"It's okay I got satisfaction out of it." Cassi replied. "Have the Jawas come mop this up."

"And tell Medical we need Totec brought back already." Archie added. He turned looking through the doorway. "Ladies and gentlemen…and Chatterbeast." He spoke up loudly. "I am assuming you have been familiarized with the rules of the Game, and are prepared to play on your leader's side…as soon as we get him back again…but for the moment, I'll ask you if you would like to take a seat in the waiting room, and Miss, I'm sorry but this is a no smoking complex so please put it out. The main Director **is** allergic to it."

Joey had completely missed Archie's announcement to what could only be other cenobites. Having known Elliot was alive; her initial surprise was more when he had taken down the demon with only a shotgun. Although, when she had caught sight of the other man in the doorway behind Elliot, she nearly fainted again. It was Doc. Her friend looked about the same as he had when he'd last seen her (alive, not in cenobite form) except for the fact that he too was dressed in cenobite armor, though it was NOT sewn to his skin this time.

"What is going on here?" She asked Doc in disbelief.

Elliot returned his sawed-off to its holster and walked back to them. "This way." He spoke up waving her through the back door. "I'll explain as we go."

A hand caught his sleeve. "Explain now." The Puppet Master ordered, motioning to the puppet on the chair that was now holding six tiny guns aimed at him and laughing slowly.

Elliot stopped and blinked. "Are those real? Because that's rather cute."

Six-Shooter fired one gun into the doorframe.

"Yes." Rick assured him.

"It won't work on me." Elliot informed him. "Only he and the Directors can kill me." He pointed at the body of the demon on the floor.

Rick looked at the puppet and nodded.

Six-Shooter put his guns up.

"We were in here for one meeting already." Rick told Elliot. "We agreed to the terms and they were supposed to set us up with a place to stay."

"Hey us too!" The young girl cut in.

Holding up a finger to Joey and Doc, Elliot moved closer. "And you are?"

"Mindy Macready." The girl replied. "They wanted me to work for them, but I said only if they gave me my dad back."

Elliot frowned. "Who is your father?"

"Damon Macready." Marcus informed him. "He was killed by a mafia boss. They said that they could bring him back."

"Well, then he'd be in Med Lab." Spenser told them. "That's where they're taking Xipe over there, so why don't you go with the medical people when they come get him? Tell them I told you to."

Mindy nodded. "Cool. Thanks."

Elliot turned back to Rick. "And I'll send the Second AD out to help you, alright?"

Rick nodded. "Okay."

"Come on man, the others are really glaring at you over there!" Doc called from the doorway.

Elliot turned and gave a smile and a wave to the other cenobites before turning and leaving with Doc and Joey.

* * *

><p>Still in the waiting room Rick and Suzie Myers exchanged a glance and tried not to stare at the very odd group of cenobites now seated across from them.<p>

Chatterbeast had seated himself on the floor and the twins had moved to a couch.

Within moments, a blond haired man with blue eyes, sporting a badge reading 'AD2' opened the door. He motioned to Rick and Suzie to follow him. Rick stepped back and let the puppets go on ahead of him.

Across the room, the cenobites were now trying not to stare at the weird guy with the walking dolls.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile in Med Lab, Xipe was not amused. "I'm going to kill him." He muttered, accepting the wet towel Blackheart held out to him for wiping the blood off.<p>

"I believe he has Doc, Lights, Murdoch, Lowe, and Moody on his side so far. Maybe some others." Blackheart informed him, handing him a slip of paper. "And that Joey that just got here is the one they're having that can bring them back."

Xipe frowned. "_**Joey**_?" He questioned; his head jerking back as he stared at Blackheart.

"Yeah, just got here, was out in the waiting room but left with him."

Xipe glared. His inability to read minds here was getting on his nerves.

_(Joey is several years older and has changed her hair color, so without his telepathic abilities working, Xipe did not recognize her, but then he was also rather preoccupied at that point too)_

From another area in Med Lab, Mindy frowned, watching the two demons with interest. Her suitcase on wheels sat on the floor at her feet. Listening to the two of them talk, an interested grin came slowly to her face.

Casually she looked up. Marcus had gone to see about her father. The doctors had said he was indeed there and that they could have him back within five minutes.

When Mindy turned back, the pin faced demon was looking right at her. Meeting his gaze, she calmly pulled out one of her butterfly knives and began to flip it around before hurling it across the room in their direction.

The pin faced demon, much to her surprise, caught the knife in his right hand . . . blade first.

Xipe, the knife impaled through his right palm, quietly walked over to the young girl and held it out. "Did you want that back?" He asked, politely.

Behind him, Blackheart grinned, shaking his head with a chuckle.

* * *

><p><em>AN so which side should get the following? Freddy and Wolverine (they hang out a lot together- Freddy has a set of adamantium gloves we gave him (retractable) and he can shape shift from normal to burned as per his Xanth talent. Logan…needs no Xanth talent. –Sorry Jason may not join at all. He was pretty much put out of commission by a 5 yr old girl, Ivy. "He's super brainy smart and the nicest man in the whole world!" As per Ivy's talent…unfortunately this was made true. Then Drusilla pushed him into a Love Spring and the two of them got married. They now have a son named William Angelus Voorhees. I told you this place did the weirdest things to people. (However we'll see about it—probably on the side opposite Freddy if at all)_

_Comming up: Carter and Ardeth join the fun and the "US Psychos" are sent out to hunt down one Kirsty Cotton...who has no idea what she's walking into. _

_Please don't hesitate to give me your honest opinion of my insanity. I'm mainly writing this to fill some time and ease some personal stress. I knowingly admit that I am insane and yes I have lost my mind. Let me know if you find it._

_-cassi_


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Btw, I noticed a mistake in the last uploaded chapter. I had edited the original WordPad and missed the modifications on the individual chapters. So I fixed Chapter 3. Sorry about that. What was left out was Aslan giving restitution to Xipe for anyone in the Spoof Complex that has opened or will open the box. So fortunately that mess in the Waiting Room was the last sacrifice we'll have to give him. By all rights, he really didn't need that one, but we weren't told until later that Aslan had taken care of it…and Xipe was ticked off so he made the mess on purpose. Whether or not you wish to go back and re read that section, I'll go ahead tell you. Aslan, having fixed Blackheart from his catatonic state was given possession of the Contract of San Venganza because Blackheart wanted nothing to do with it. _

_So Xipe was given the Contract by Aslan, paying him one thousand evil souls for the Labyrinth. This secured his services and his presence amongst us._

CHAPTER FOUR: "DON'T TEASE THE NICE DEMON IN THE DRESS"

_(Oh come on, we have an entire building full of immature insane people. You KNOW that his wardrobe choice had to be noticed at SOME point)_

Leaving Med Lab, Xipe was certainly in a better mood than he had been when he'd first been awakened there. Had it not been for Spenser, he might have lost this lovely child and her very interesting father to Elliot. He'd been most impressed to hear that this seemingly innocent looking blonde had acquired a rather large body count by the time she had turned twelve.

After an initial outburst from Blackheart upon meeting Mindy Macready's father, Damon, things were soon cleared up. Although Mindy had found it hysterically funny that her father seemed to be the twin brother of Ghostrider and the Potty-Mouth Bucket had ended up costing Blackheart yet more money.

"Once having gotten to know Damon, however, Blackheart decided that despite his resemblance, the man had nothing further in common with the Rider.

Marcus, letting Damon and his daughter handle their involvement in the game themselves, had said he was headed back to work for a while. Damon had assured him they'd be just fine. They had read the rules given to them by Xipe and had both agreed. Mindy could handle whatever was thrown at her. After killing over forty mafia hit men and drug dealers, she would have no trouble dealing with killing and dying if it came down to it.

* * *

><p><em>(Puppet Master AN: You will notice in this section that I included Leach Woman and Decapitron as a couple. For those unfamiliar with Puppet Master 3-5, these were the puppets created using Mrs. Elsa Toulon and Andre Toulon. Leach Woman doesn't appear in 4 or 5, but I added her in. Decapitron was supposed to have died at the end of the 5__th__ one but I brought him back for my own reasons)_

In their new quarters, Rick Myers couldn't help but laugh. They had been given two bedrooms. One was obviously for him and his wife and the other; for the puppets. Obviously, Cassi's opinion of keeping them in the trunk counted for sleeping too. The second bedroom was filled with much tinier furniture and each puppet was apparently allowed to choose his own bed. It explained why it had taken so long to have their living quarters ready.

Leach Woman of course chose to stay with Decapitron and Rick, knowing they were husband and wife in their original lives, did not object.

"So were you and _them_ going to join in the festivities going on out there?" Suzie asked Rick as soon as they had unpacked.

Rick shrugged, grinning. "I've been thinking about it." He replied. "You don't want to?"

"Not really." His wife responded. "You might ask how many of them are going to want to play. Six-Shooter, Blade, Jester, and Torch seemed to be very interested."

"And from the look of those guys in the waiting room, that Assistant Director might just need the help." Rick pointed out. "I'll ask them and see what they think."

* * *

><p>In the office, Archie was at his desk with Romano. They were going through Cassi's second list of newcomers.<p>

"I'll help call in these ones but then I'm headed back to our place." Romano told him, gesturing to the lower half of the list. "Lizzie's expecting me to be back soon and frankly, I'm getting out of the line of fire here."

"You think it'll be that bad?" Archie questioned.

"Not for those not in on the game, but I suspect it won't be long until this place is a total mess." Romano replied. "I saw the look on Elliot's face as well as Xipe's, and frankly I trust Blackheart about as far as I can pick up this place and throw it."

"Aslan said he got a hold of the parents of children to tell them either not to come in or that their children are not allowed to leave the kid room." Archie put in quietly. "Though the X-Babies and the Brotherhood are all allowed out."

"Are you going to join them?"

"I don't know." Archie answered, with a shrug. "I might eventually. I know about the death thing, but they still can't get to me with their weapons."

"He can kill you with his bare hands just as easily, Kennedy." Romano warned.

"We'll see." Archie responded.

* * *

><p>WARNING: Very immature actions ahead…..<p>

* * *

><p>In her own office, Cassi laid on the couch with her feet up, watching the monitors from the cameras around the Complex. Lights had already joined Elliot, and Romano was getting ready to leave for home. The only Assistant she had in the building still working was Archie.<p>

Sighing, she pulled out a list. Haldir, Diego, Julian, and Prince John were all on her call-in list. Julian had been on probation for a while and dropped off the Assistant's list. Diego was a temp, and Prince John was off while he was acting. Hal was a regular instated Assistant, but was not there at that time.

Shrugging, she pulled out the phone. If Julian were to come in, he'd likely end up in the Game as part of Xipe's side. He was after all, a demon himself. The others . . . well there was one way to find out.

* * *

><p>Elliot, seated on the counter in the Break Room was wasting no time on the next prank he was planning to carry out. After explaining to Joey what was going on and introducing her to the officers from the <em>Titanic<em>, they had gotten down to business with the humiliation part of the plan.

Joining them in mischief, Dr. John Carter, Ardeth Bay, and Dr. Luka Kovac, all dressed in Med-jai robes and sporting facial tattoos with long hair were more than happy to add to the confusion. All three had rather impressive Xanth talents in addition to being warriors and would be incredibly handy to have around.

Carter was a healer, Ardeth possessed the talent of transforming living things within six feet of him, and Luka could change the color of inanimate objects at any distance.

"Are you sure this place is really letting you do this?" Joey asked, uncertainly. "I find it hard to believe they're just letting you all come in and play games killing everyone and totally trash the place."

"We're on break right now." Carter assured her. "It's okay. It's not like we can't put it back. We're not filming…unless you count this stuff, and the other Directors are either on vacation or in Sven's case retired. We have nothing else to do. Usually we're just hanging around being immature and insane."

"In other words, everything is normal." Ardeth translated.

"**This** is normal?" Doc asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well we don't _normally_ have demons in dresses running around killing people, but yeah everything **else** is normal." Carter responded.

Joey covered her mouth, giggling.

Elliot frowned.

"Sorry, it was the 'dresses' thing."

"What?" Carter asked pointedly, motioning to Spenser's clothing. "What do _you_ call it? **That** is a leather DRESS!"

Elliot frowned, looking down at his outfit, identical to Xipe's. "You know there is something under it." He pointed out, grabbing his new knife from its holder.

Carter frowned, watching as the Captain sliced the front of the robe all the way down to reveal the armored leather pants. _(Because I sincerely doubt they wear the armor on top and have nothing underneath the bottom)_

"Though come to think of it, that's a lot more convenient." Elliot remarked, slyly. "Now I can add to the weapons."

Joey laughed. "And it no longer looks like a dress." She remarked with a wink.

"That too." He replied, adding two ankle holsters from the arsenal he now owned.

"Glad they didn't put one of those dresses on _me_." Doc retorted, making a face.

"So what were you planning to do to Dress-guy next?" Ardeth asked with a perfectly straight face.

"'Dress-guy.'" Doc repeated. "Oh, that is sooo wrong. You'd better not let him hear you say that."

"I could change his dress a more interesting color." Kovac put in, with a smirk. "You can kill him, and then we can make sure the ones bringing him back get a great sight."

Elliot's eyes widened a moment, but then his face took on a thoughtful look.

"You wouldn't." Doc cut in.

A small devilish guilty grin emerged on the Captain's face.

"Ooohh." Doc groaned. "Oh man, _killing_ him is one thing, Elliot, but humiliating his dead _**body**_? That's just **messed up**! He will skin you ALIVE!"

"Don't be silly." Elliot argued, brushing it off. "It's _pain_, it's _torture_, it's _suffering_! He LIKES it!"

"Cenobite Psychology 101." Carter announced, rolling his eyes.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, pal." Doc snorted.

"I don't want joint credit on this one." Joey quietly spoke up. "He's already mad at you, Elliot. This . . . is** suicide**."

"He's going to kill me _any_way." Spenser pointed out. "I may as well deserve it."

"I'll get a picture for the bulletin board." Carter announced, grinning.

"You're all insane." Joey stated, shaking her head.

"And your point is?" Ardeth asked matter of factly.

"We pull immature stunts like this all the time." Carter responded. "Watch the DVD's of the Youth Elixir parties. They're **full** of them."

"So assuming we do this, do we need to get him alone or take down Blackheart too?" Kovac questioned, loudly.

"It's more than Blackheart." Moody called from the doorway.

"Meaning?" Carter returned.

"Remember that pig-tailed little blonde that went to Med Lab?"

Elliot frowned. "What about her?"

"Well it turns out this innocent blonde is quite the expert with knives and guns and she and her newly resurrected father who taught her _every_thing she knows have just joined Xipe." Moody explained.

"How 'expert' is expert?" Elliot asked, raising an eyebrow.

"If that's Mindy Macready, they call her Hit Girl." Lights supplied. "The other Assistants and I saw all her background. It's why we called her in. She has a total body count of 41 mafia hit men."

The members of the group that didn't know about this turned to stare at Lights.

"And how again did she end up with _him_?" Carter asked, staring. "Her legal guardian is a **cop** and her father _was_ a cop at one point."

"Malucci in Med Lab said she was watching them and apparently she was either showing off or whatnot, but she chucked a knife across the room and he apparently caught it through his hand and when I say through, I mean _through; _and Dave doesn't really know how it happened, but they kind of hit it off and next thing you know she and her father are with him." Moody explained.

"So how do we get them away from him long enough to take him out again?" Doc asked. "They're gonna be headed to the Waiting Room to go pick up the rest of the cenobites there. If we're gonna get him again, we should do it now."

Lights frowned. "The girl is dragging a suitcase." He pointed out. "I don't think they have their living quarters yet. I could get someone to find her and her father to take them there, and then it would leave Xipe and Blackheart alone."

"That would even the odds more." Carter agreed. "Ardeth can get Blackheart away. Heck, he could change them both into children."

"That would certainly add to the overall fun, wouldn't it?" Lowe retorted, grinning.

"I'll go see if Archie can get Mindy and her father to go with him." Lights replied, headed toward the office. "The rest of you, go off and see if you can't intercept them before they reach the Waiting Room?"

Joey stared at them "Changing them into children makes it _fun_?"

The Officers from the _Titanic _grinned at her.

"It was when _we_ did it." Lights informed her with a sheepish grin, leaning over to lower his voice. "The untold stories of the _Titanic_. Watch the DVD's."

* * *

><p>Miles away in a rundown neighborhood, Kirsty Cotton was returning home from work. She had moved in the three years since her husband's death to a different apartment, though it was not too far from her old one. Thus far, things had been uneventful.<p>

Kirsty was tired, and things were stressful. She was short of money and she still refused to reduce herself to using the money Frank had left her. Anything from him was certainly not worth the time it would take to burn it.

Kirsty stopped short as she approached her door. Standing out in the hallway were two men, both looking directly at her.

"Ms. Kirsty Cotton?" One of them asked.

Kirsty frowned. "Yes. Can I help you?"

The man pulled out a badge. "Ryan Gaerity. US Marshal." One of them informed her. "This is Mike Barrett, my deputy. We need you to come with us on a matter of urgency."

"What is this about?" Kirsty asked, her heart nearly skipping a beat.

Gaerity pulled out a photo. "Do you know what this is?"

Kirsty's face drained of color. "I've seen one like it before." She managed to reply.

"Do you know what comes out of it?" Barrett asked, knowingly.

"What exactly do you want?" Kirsty responded, swallowing.

"We've done some research into this, and the place we work for is involved in whatever has come from this box." Gaerity informed her quietly. "Can you help us with information on whatever you've seen pertaining to this? We know from medical records you've had some experience in this before, whether classified as some mental disorder or not; you're the best link we've been able to find yet."

"You're serious?"

"Yes ma'am." Barrett replied. "Chances are we've already got someone dead by now. These things are real. I've seen them."

Kirsty chewed her lip thinking it over. If she got close enough to them, they could claim her again and she knew it. However, these people seemed to need help. "Let me change clothes and pack a bag." She finally answered, letting them into her apartment to wait for her.

As soon as she left the room, Ryan and Murdoc shared a grin. Fortunately she had not gotten a close look at their badges. Where it should have identified them as US Marshals, theirs identified them as _US Psychos_, from the parts they had played in the Fugitive and US Marshals Spoofs.

Watching the hallway she had disappeared down, Murdoc typed out a text message to Dr. Romano. '_Mission successful, bringing in the Cotton woman.'_

In the bedroom, Kirsty paused over her suitcase. Turning, she made her way to her closet and removed a box from the top shelf. Within the box was another box. Though put away all this time, it had never been far from her thoughts. Eventually, she knew she could not run away forever. It would eventually call her back and this time, there would be no escape.

Picking up the box and running her fingers over the smooth surface, Kirsty closed her eyes. Did she really want to escape him? All these years had passed, and here she was allowing two United States Marshals to bring her right back to where she started as a teenager.

* * *

><p>In the hallway, Xipe watched through narrowed eyes as Mindy and her father were lead away by an odd looking man with red hair, wearing an old fedora over a trench coat. The man had introduced himself as Walter Kovac and wore an Assistant's badge.<p>

Blackheart and Xipe had frowned in confusion until they had learned that Mr. Kovac was the Assistant of Cassi's _sister_, Sven, who was currently not working with the Spoofs anymore, but her Assistants still helped out around the place. He said he had come to find out if the Macreadys' had been shown their room yet.

Damon and his daughter, planning to return once they had changed clothing into their protective gear, had willingly gone with the man, telling the two demons they would meet them after a bit.

"Smell a rat?" Blackheart questioned, quietly.

The pin-faced demon remained silent and his face betrayed nothing, but as his gaze met the younger demon's, his eyes gave all the answer Blackheart needed.

"That's what I thought." The younger demon replied, taking up a defensive stance, standing with his back to Xipe.

This was about the time the dark-skinned desert warrior came out of hiding. As soon as he was within six feet of them, the hallway seemed to grow larger.

Xipe growled when Spenser came around the corner.

The others with him stopped short a moment.

"Oh, they're so cute!" One of them cooed.

"I'll show **you** cute!" Blackheart sneered, grabbing Ardeth's arm.

The warrior's skin darkened to a bluish color and he dropped to the floor.

Carter pulled his scimitar. "Oh you are sooo dead, you lousy little brat!"

Xipe leapt to the side letting Blackheart fight the other two desert warriors. Still possessing his demon strength and speed, he dove to the side, avoiding Spenser's gunshot. He pulled the curved knife from his belt in mid-dive, plunging it into the back of Elliot's thigh, before twisting around, jerking it out and landing in a crouched position with a snarl. "You forgot to wait until my back was turned."

"Where's the fun in that?" Elliot returned, pulling out his own knife.

Despite his being physically a child at the moment, Xipe showed no weakness. In fact, he noted being smaller sized was actually making him more difficult for Spenser to fight.

Behind them, Blackheart fell to the floor as Carter pulled the scimitar back, but not before the demon had managed to take Luka and Moody down with him.

Watching Elliot fight his demon counterpart, Carter shook his head, knowing he couldn't kill the other demon. "Oh quit playing and finish it already." He muttered watching the knife fight. "The way you're going, the other two will be back before we're done."

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, in the Waiting Room, Chatterbeast jumped up from the floor with a growl.<p>

Dreamer stared as the animal, not stopping to wait for the others, was across the room in one leap. A powerful lunge from the floor and he sailed through a large mirror on the wall, shattering glass and sending pieces all over the desk behind the glass as the demonic beast flew over it, running through the open doorway in the back of the room, where it promptly disappeared around the corner.

The cenobites as well as anyone standing in the room stared at the mess of broken glass.

"Let's go." Nikoletta responded, jumping up. "Something isn't right."

Watching the group climb through the window after the beast, a blue eyed man with white blonde hair and black eyebrows gave a sly demonic grin.

Beside him, a tall man with long partly braided blond hair and pointed ears pulled his sunglasses back from his eyes. "Cassi's going to be pissed."

Julian turned to look at Haldir. "What can she do?" The Shadowman pointed out. "The **dog** did it. She should be relieved he didn't piss the carpet, like _her_ dog would."

* * *

><p><em>[<em>_**Julian:**__ Shadowman. From LJ Smith's "Forbidden Game" Trilogy. Julian started out an Assistant, but after an incident in the spoof he acted in, he was put on probation and dropped off the Assistant's list. _

_**Haldir of Lorien:**__ LotR trilogy. "Hal" is a full time Assistant, but was on vacation. He has been recalled due to not enough Assistants still working]_

_Coming next: The revenge of Xipe Totec._

_And a lesson to learn. "Hell hath no fury like a SpoofAuthor whose carpet has just been totally ruined."_

_AND: Kirsty has arrived…..to the LAST sight she ever thought she'd actually see. ;)_


	5. Chapter 5

_Disclaimer: In the lines of some back story… Anything said regarding Chatterbeast's past is completely a figment of my imagination…but it sounds good, though doesn't it? _

_As for Blackheart's past mentioned in this Chapter. I do not know for sure if the Latin name is correct but I've studied some on Ghostrider, I do have the book from the movie and my sis has the Ultimate Editions comics containing ALL Ghostrider's issues. I do remember reading that Blackheart was also called by the name, __**Atrocor**__ and I had it written down, but I can't find where I read it originally so I can't confirm it. I do however know for fact that the Rider's real demon name is Zarathos. _

_And now, on with the story. I'm going to try to get the revenge in this chapter, but depending on how long it takes to progress the story and feed the plot (yes there is one of those), it may end up in the next chapter. I do after all have to get them changed back to adults so we'll see how it goes._

**WARNING****: **Cenobite Leader + temper tantrum = Run Spenser, run.

* * *

><p><strong>CHAPTER FIVE "ONE LITTLE HELL-BRAT, TWO LITTLE HELL-BRATS"<strong>

In the main Waiting Room, Dr. Romano shook his head. "I knew they should have had that animal on a leash."

"I wonder if we should introduce it to Mohawk." Archie responded, thoughtful.

"Our luck Mohawk would join _their_ side." Romano replied, shaking his head.

"Tell him he can let the spiders out of the Jumanji Game if he doesn't." Archie suggested.

Romano turned, staring at Archie. "I think we have enough damages here without starting another Gremlin-Jumanji revolt." He grumbled, smacking Archie in the head. "That's **all** we need! Have Pippin call up Sven and ask for that re-match they owe Stripe and Mohawk."

"Just a suggestion."

Romano shook his head. "I am **so** out of here." He announced, heading for the door. "I'll be in tomorrow if the place is still standing."

Archie watched him exit the building. "Right then." He remarked, more to himself. "I think I'll just call Jameson. We're going to need him."

_J. Jonah Jameson: (Spiderman) Xanth talent of fixing anything inanimate that has been broken. A talent given to him for all the super villains that trash his office. He is also another of Sven's Assistants._

* * *

><p>In the hallway, Spenser was starting to tire and Xipe was no closer to losing the fight than he had been when it had started. His lighter weight and smaller size were seriously complicating things and he knew it.<p>

Carter had gone to get Joey so she could bring back the three fallen members of their group. On the upside, Xipe had still not assigned one to bring his own group back yet, so until then, Blackheart would remain temporarily out of commission. Carter had originally been a part of the Med Team and knew how to bring back the dead ones in addition to his healing abilities. Unfortunately, healing didn't work if they were already dead and Blackheart's sulfur poisoning was something Carter had never dealt with before.

A loud howl from the end of the hallway caused Spenser to turn.

Chatterbeast, seeing the scene at the end of the hallway, snarled and dove for Elliot.

Xipe frowned, noticing a strange smell. His head jerked and he shouted for the beast to stop only a split second before a shotgun blast echoed in the hallway.

The source of the smell turned out to be a man holding the gun. He still wore the fedora and trench coat, but his face was covered with a cloth mask that had some sort of greenish slime in it constantly in motion changing shapes. The mask was where the smell was centered.

Chatterbeast dropped to the floor, torn by the explosion.

Xipe's eyes narrowed. Despite the fact that he was technically outnumbered, he knew that amongst this group, only _Spenser_ could kill him. Ignoring the others, he turned his attention back to his human counterpart.

The gunshot, however, had drawn the attention of the group following behind Chatterbeast. The cenobites slowed, hearing the sounds of the beast's demise as well as the struggle still going on.

Stepping slowly into the hallway, Dreamer with Nikoletta beside her stared in shock.

Dreamer clamped a hand over her mouth but she wasn't fast enough to stop the giggle that escaped.

Nikoletta felt her jaw drop, and she quickly turned facing the other way, biting down on her lip.

Xipe, still involved in fighting Elliot off, ground his teeth, hearing the choked off giggles from the female cenobites. The Twins and Chatterer were almost as bad at hiding their own amusement.

Dreamer, after watching them fight a bit longer, leaned over to Nikoletta. "He's so _cute_." She mouthed.

Nikoletta bit her lips and covered her mouth.

"Heads up, Spenser!" Carter shouted loudly.

Elliot frowned, seeing something round and bright colored flying toward them. He managed to turn his face away as the balloon exploded, splattering neon day glo red paint all over the place.

"Smile!" A male voice called from down the hallway.

Xipe and Elliot both turned again as a camera flash went off.

Taking advantage of the distraction, Spenser, deciding he'd had enough, pulled a gun from his ankle as he stood back up. "Get the other three out of here!" He ordered Doc, who quickly put up his camera.

"Look out!" Rorschach shouted, firing his shotgun at the cenobites now advancing on the group.

Beside him, Lowe and Murdoch fired their pistols

Dreamer and Nikoletta dove for the floor. They had seen Xipe get shot in the Waiting Room, and didn't trust the gunmen.

Chatterer, ducking to avoid the gunshots, took aim and hurled his knife in the direction of the shooters. The blade ended up in Murdoch's left bicep.

The distinctive odor of brimstone filled the hallway as the gunshots continued.

"Hang on!"

From the floor, Dreamer stared at the blue demon that had suddenly appeared in the hallway as the other group joined hands. Then there was only dead silence. They had all vanished in another cloud of brimstone.

As soon as she was sure they were gone, Nikoletta jumped to her feet and ran to the two now much smaller sized demons on the floor. Xipe had been shot in the temple. The other, whose name she had not yet been told had been stabbed through the chest.

"Did he kill him?" Dreamer asked as she approached.

"Both of them." Nikoletta answered.

Chatterer pulled himself off the floor and reached down to give the Twins a hand. The sad faced Twin had blood dripping down his shoulder from a stray gunshot. Other than that, they were alright.

"Who brings back the dead?" Nikoletta's raspy whispered voice asked, unsure.

"He was supposed to choose someone to do that." Dreamer replied, pointing at Xipe. "I don't think he did yet."

Nikoletta nodded. "Then we take them to the Medical room." She responded. Kneeling down, she pulled their leader off the floor and turned in the direction of Med Lab.

Dreamer, following her lead, pulled the demon in the black coat from floor, now covered in almost black blood and red paint splatters.

Behind the women, Chatterer lifted the body of the Chatterbeast and the injured Siamese Twins limped after them.

"How do we change them back?" Dreamer asked looking at the dark haired demon child she was carrying.

"I don't know." Nikoletta responded shortly. "Maybe the Medical people do."

* * *

><p>As soon as they had given Kurt Wagner their thanks for ending the fight in the hallway, Elliot saw that they moved from the Break Room to the 'SpoofSet Blue Room.'<p>

"He is going to hunt you down, man." Doc remarked, seating himself on the midnight blue deep-pile carpet.

"Most likely." Elliot agreed. "But _that_ . . . was worth dying for."

"What, you getting your ass kicked by a _five year old_?" Joey retorted, laughing.

"That five year old was still a Cenobite!" Spenser defended.

"And what about the ones that died?" Joey went on. "That wasn't ol' Pinhead's doing."

"That was Blackheart." Carter informed her. "It's like some 'touch of death' thing or something. They die of sulfur poison, but as far as I knew he wasn't supposed to still be able to **do** that."

"He can kill people just by _touching_ them?" Joey asked, aghast.

"He wasn't supposed to have still had that!" Carter repeated. "Aslan put him on restrictions!"

"What if Aslan took them off for the game?" Doc cut in. "He has to be able to fight back, you know."

"Some help here would be nice, Dr. Carter." Luka called from the couch.

Carter stood and walked over to help his friend patch up Murdoch's arm.

Beside Murdoch, on the couch, Lights was looking over the rusted knife Luka had removed from his friend's bicep.

Studying the knife, Carter turned back to Murdoch. "When was your last Tetanus shot?" He asked, pointedly.

"That was one of the first things they gave me when they brought me from the shipwreck." Murdoch answered matter of factly. "Is that recent enough?"

"That should be okay." Carter responded, nodding.

Beside Elliot, Joey noticed blood dripping to the carpet. "What did you do, Elliot?" She asked, frowning.

Carter turned noting the blood on the carpet. "Oh yeah, I forgot about that one." He responded, smacking his head. "That pin headed little brat stabbed him in the back of the leg."

Spenser leaned over to get a look at it. "It's fine." He replied shrugging. "Just a scratch."

Joey eyed the rip in the armored pants while Carter knelt down to get a closer look.

"You're gonna need stitches." Carter informed him, pointedly.

"He's going to hunt me down and kill me anyway." Elliot protested.

Carter shrugged. "Okay, we'll do it this way." He conceded, pulling his gloves off. "I'll heal it up enough that it won't bleed anymore. When was **your** last Tetanus shot? Assuming his knives are as rusty as his friend's are."

"My what?"

"That's what I thought." Carter remarked, knowingly, as he finished healing the stab wound. "I'll go get a needle."

"You might also wanna keep an eye out for that dog thing when they bring it back." Rorschach announced from the corner. "Otherwise we'll all need **rabies **shots."

"Can it still get rabies if it's already dead?" Moody asked frowning. He had not seen the Chatterbeast, having been killed by Blackheart, but he had been shown a picture of it.

"I don't know." Luka replied. "Did it have them before it was changed into Cenobite-Dog?"

The group looked at Elliot.

"Not that I know of." Elliot responded, considering it.

"What **was** that thing before anyway?" Carter asked.

"I believe it was trained as an attack dog." Spenser told them. "Maybe a Rottweiler. I don't recall. I wasn't exactly very near the surface of the subconscious at that time."

"So how did it end up in the Labyrinth?" Joey questioned.

Elliot looked over at Doc.

"It attacked Xipe when he was answering someone who opened the box." Doc supplied. "He chucked it, snarling, into the Labyrinth, past CD and I, and later on, after the owner was torn apart, Xipe throws the dog, _still_ pissed off, barking, growling, and biting, into the chamber. **That** was the result."

"It's been Xipe's pet ever since." Spenser finished. "He'll never admit it, but he really cares for that animal."

"Awww." Carter cooed, as he cut a small hole in the shoulder of Spenser's armor to allow for the shot. "Sweet that the nice snarling Evil Mutated Rottweiler came rushing in to try and save his five year old master…..before he took a twelve gauge blast to the face, that is. Like a really messed up version of Lassie with Timmy."

Joey grimaced. "That's gross." She groaned.

The others in the room had collapsed into hysterics, with the exception of Rorschach, who merely sighed, shaking his head.

* * *

><p>In the Med Lab, Dr. Dave Malucci sighed, seeing the group that entered. "I knew those gunshots couldn't be good." He remarked, watching the Cenobites lay the dead bodies on gurneys.<p>

"You could have come out and helped." Dreamer spoke up, eyeing him.

"Call me crazy, but I've been here a long time now." Dave told them seriously. "And when you hear gunshots from the hallway **here**, you learn really quick _not_ to stick your head out and look."

"Do you know how to fix this?" Nikoletta cut in, motioning to their leader.

"You mean the five year old thing?"

"Yes."

"Ummm, I'm not sure." Dave answered, chewing his lip.

"What do you mean?" Dreamer demanded. "You've been here years; certainly you've seen this before!"

"Well yes, I have." Dave went on. "Heck I've been changed into a five year old a few times, but that's not what I meant."

"What do you mean then?" Nikoletta asked.

"It depends on _how_ they were changed." Dave explained. "If it was Youth Elixir, another hit will change them back, but I heard Carter and Ardeth out there too."

"Meaning?" Nikoletta pressed.

"Ardeth transforms living things." Dave told them. "If Ardeth changed them, which is most likely, you need someone to change them back. We have a few that can; you'll have to find one."

"So until then, they're _stuck_ this way?" Dreamer exclaimed.

"Sorry, I would if I could, but that's not my talent." Dave replied, apologetically. "I can get them back, and that thing, but I can't fix the age thing."

Sighing, Dreamer sat down on a chair nearby. "Can you fix him too?"

Dave turned, noticing the Twins off to the side. "Dr. Greene, can you take a look at this?"

"Wow, and I thought the two that left were weird….oh wait, they're back again." Greene remarked, noting the dead children. "They playing with Youth Elixir again?"

"I think it was Ardeth." Dave corrected.

"Fabulous." Green looked at the injured arm. "Looks like it went right through and I don't see any other damage. Take a seat."

The Twins nodded and much to the doctors' surprise, separated, the sad looking one seating himself on a gurney while his brother stood nearby.

"Can I cut through this sleeve?"

Nikoletta nodded.

While Greene worked on the gunshot, Dave called out two other doctors and they removed the bodies to the other room while the rest of the cenobites sat down to wait again.

"Does he have one of those talents?" Dreamer asked Dr. Greene.

"You mean Dave?" Greene responded, looking up from his work.

She nodded.

"Yeah, he changes anything invisible."

The cenobites turned, looking impressed.

"Anything including people?"

"Yeah." Greene, having finished cleaning the injury, pulled out the supplies to stitch it up. "But if you want him to join you guys, you'll have to ask him. He **does** have friends on that other team. Carter's one of my best friends from way back; and that's back before _any_ of us came to be here even."

"Okay, wha'd we miss?"

Dreamer looked up and frowned.

The man in the doorway was dressed in a full black outfit complete with cape and mask. Beside him, a young girl stood, also wearing a cape over a purple costume with a school-girl skirt over it. Her hair, short and purple, an obvious wig, framed a masked face.

Greene looked up. "Hey Damon." He responded, with a nod. "They got him again."

"Again?" The girl asked, making a face.

"Blackheart too this time." Greene informed her. "After Ardeth changed them into five year olds apparently."

"**Both** of them?" Damon questioned in disbelief.

Greene looked up at the other cenobites. "This is Damon and Mindy Macready." He informed them. "They're on your side." He turned back to the two in the doorway. "These are the Cenobites from the Waiting Room, with the exception of the Chatterbeast which is in there being brought back."

Damon and Mindy smiled and came over to introduce themselves to the three uninjured cenobites.

The group looked up as the door to the other room slammed open and a** very** put out Xipe Totec came walking through it. He was still in child form and his armor all the way across the front was covered in neon paint, part of which was on the side of his face, pins included.

Damon stared. "Something tells me that Assistant wasn't just out looking to show us a room."

"That Assistant shot Chatterbeast when he came back." Xipe grumbled, flatly. "He's with them."

"Which Assistant?" Greene asked raising an eyebrow.

"Brown trench coat, red hair, fedora." Damon supplied.

"Wearing a cloth mask with a foul odor." Xipe finished.

"Rorschach." Greene informed them. "Sven's newer Assistant. Walter Kovac. I wasn't aware he was even_ joining_ the game. Generally it's not his thing."

Xipe turned, hearing the door open again. Blackheart, in the same fix as he was, glared examining the paint splattered all over his long black coat.

"I'm definitely ready to kill some more people." The devil's son muttered, snarling. After another moment of inspecting his blood and paint covered clothing, he turned his pale blue eyes toward the other cenobites. "I don't believe we've met."

After introductions were made, Nikoletta frowned. "I've heard your name before, or at least another form of it.

"My father originally called me Atrocor." Blackheart informed them.

"He is the son of Mephistopheles." Xipe clarified.

"Then you would be the Prince of Darkness?" Nikoletta asked, awed.

Blackheart made a face. "Once upon a time." He replied. "My father isn't very pleased with me right now. The last time I remember seeing him, he sent Zarathos after me."

"Such a nice father." Damon responded, making a face. "Instead of dragging his son back home when he runs away, yours hired a bounty hunter."

"My father never does anything **half**way." Blackheart retorted flatly.

"Yeah I noticed you had that whole dysfunctional look about you." Greene responded, finishing the bandage on the Sad Twin's arm.

Xipe gave a thoughtful look. "And how did Zarathos manage to take you down?" He asked, wondering if it weren't what he was thinking it was.

Blackheart, noticing his look, shook his head. "Aslan gave it to _you_, didn't he?" The gleam in Xipe's eyes told him enough. "I wondered just** how** they got you to agree to come here."

"What is he talking about?" Dreamer asked, confused.

"The Contract of San Venganza." Blackheart replied. "Aslan gave it to him."

"And Leviathan was most happy to see it." Xipe responded with a nod.

Blackheart made a face. "Keep it." He grunted, cringing. "I never wanna see that thing again."

"So Zarathos waited until you had one thousand souls, then he turned them all against you." Xipe stated, looking impressed.

"Shut up." Blackheart snapped. "Not all of us are gluttons for being _tortured_."

Amused, Xipe shook his head. "And **you** are _still_ a spoiled little hell-brat, Atrocor."

The two of them facing each other down had everyone in the room staring. Certainly they weren't just going to fight with each _other_ now.

Blackheart held Totec's stare for a moment longer, before turning to face a mirror on the wall with a smirk. "Yeah? Well from where_ I'm_ standing, I'm not the** only** little hell-brat here!"

"I'm about to pick the **both** of you up and turn you over my knee!" Damon interrupted. "Knock it off already!"

_[And how many Fangirls would pay to see that one?]_

* * *

><p>WARNING: Spoiled Hell-brat + Sadomasochist Hell-brat = Kirsty's next therapy session.<p>

* * *

><p>WARNING 2: The very fact that Kirsty witnessed any of this may cause seriously horrible death.<p>

* * *

><p>As the non-descript car pulled into the parking area of a large set of buildings, Kirsty took a shaky breath and swallowed a sudden lump in her throat. He was here, she could feel it. They had already let him out.<p>

"This way, ma'am." Mr. Barrett spoke up, leading her to an entrance.

The sight that met their eyes when they walked in the door was enough to confirm everything they had told Kirsty. There was a group of rather little people with hooded cloaks mopping what could only be a huge mess of blood from the floor.

Sitting on the main desk, one of the Lament Configuration boxes had been set. Stuck on the side of it was a hot pink piece of paper with the words 'open me' written in black sharpie-pen.

Kirsty shook her head in disbelief. "Who put that there?"

Deputy Gaerity turned to look where she was pointing. "Probably the safest place they could find."

"You've **got **to be joking."

"No." Deputy Barrett replied. "If we hide it or put a danger sign on it, every person coming through here would have to open it. That way, it gets left alone."

"Well assuming they're already out, the only way to get them to go back is to use the box." Kirsty informed them.

Not listening to her, Gaerity moved farther into the Waiting Room, noticing the broken glass all over the area once occupied by the two-way mirror that had covered one wall of the room. The distinctive sight of paw prints and claw marks covered the desk and the tile floor of the office facing the window.

"Looks like the dog came through the window." Barrett stated quietly.

"Oh it did." An inhuman voice spoke up behind Kirsty.

Kirsty jumped and spun to face the voice, staring at what was undoubtedly a demon. He was not a Cenobite, she could see. Not with the white blonde hair and bright blue eyes. "Who are you?"

"This is Julian." Gaerity explained, laying a hand on her shoulder to calm her down. "He's what's called a Shadowman."

Kirsty frowned. This was a name she was unfamiliar with.

"You saw the dog?" Barrett asked the Shadowman.

"Oh yeah." Julian replied, coolly. "I think there was a fight in the back hallway or something because he just jumped up growling and went through the window, and then there was a lot of gunshots from that direction."

Kirsty stared. "And no one went to go find out?"

"Like I'm sticking my head out into a _gunfight_?" Julian quipped, pointedly.

"The Cenobites are loose in the building and could have killed someone by now and not one person goes to help?"

Julian blinked. "Newsflash, princess!" He announced to her loudly. "Who do you **think** went through the window? The dog was called_ Chatterbeast_ for a reason."

Kirsty stopped short, staring at him.

"And in all honesty, if it were just the Cenobites, they may be a bit easier to deal with." Gaerity informed her with a shrug. "Even if it were just them and Blackheart, but it's not."

"Who's Blackheart?" Kirsty asked, confused.

"The spoiled brat son of Satan." Barrett responded. "And I hear he and your pin faced friend are quite the team."

Kirsty's jaw tightened, as she took in the looks on the faces of the two Marshals. "Just what is it that you didn't tell me here?" She demanded. "Did you set me up? Who **really** sent you to find me?"

Murdoc and Ryan exchanged a glance.

"Cassi did, but I believe it was at the request of her recent con-job" Murdoc answered, honestly.

"_**He**_ wanted me here, didn't he?"

"Well, yeah I believe it **was** his request, but it wasn't for what you're thinkin'." Ryan told her before she could respond. "They asked him if there was anyone he'd want to see again and you were top of the list. Frankly I think he likes you, but you didn't hear that from me."

"He wants to tear me apart and torture me." Kirsty remarked, flatly.

"Aw, that's just what he** tells **you." Murdoc replied with a dismissing gesture. "Even Spenser says he likes you. He just won't admit it. It's all foreplay, darling."

Kirsty frowned. "Who's Spenser?"

"Human side." Ryan supplied. "You met him once too . . . just before he let you run off and then he died. By the way, he says you owe him nothing for that so despite what the demon tells you, **he** had nothing to do with it."

Kirsty stared at him. "I knew it!" She muttered, glaring.

"So think about it." Murdoc went on. "Spenser says he likes you or 'has respect for' or even the more likely 'is obsessed with.' Honestly, who'd know better than Spenser? They were the same _person_ all that time, after all."

"Excuse me!" A young female voice called out to the group in the Waiting Room, interrupting their conversation.

They all turned, to look at the speaker, who stood inside the room just on the other side of the broken out window. She had come through the back door to the room from the hallways beyond.

The girl was wearing padded clothing, and a black cape. Kirsty could only stare. It certainly wasn't anywhere near Halloween, but the girl was obviously dressed as some kind of superhero, complete with a mask and wig.

"Can we help you?" Murdoc asked.

"Do you know anyone who can change people back from children?" She returned, stepping over the piles of broken glass to approach the window.

Kirsty stared. What the-? Did the girl really just ask that question or was she hallucinating?

Murdoc and Ryan exchanged a glance. "That depends." Ryan answered, shrugging, as if this were a common problem around here. "Did they get hit with a Youth Elixir balloon?"

"No, Dr. Dave said something about an Ardeth." The girl informed them.

"Oh, **he** did it." Murdoc responded, sighing. "Let's see, Yves changes people's ages, Pippin can do it, Captain Jack could depending on what talent he has** this** hour, and…."

"I can change a person's age." Julian announced. "Who's stuck that way?"

"Xipe and Blackheart." The girl told him, motioning for Julian to follow her.

Kirsty frowned. "Who?" She asked. Blackheart had been mentioned a while ago, but she certainly didn't know who the other was.

Murdoc blinked. "She just said it was Xipe and Blackheart."

"Blackheart you mentioned." Kirsty responded, snorting. "I don't know the other one. Is that another demon?"

Murdoc, Ryan and Julian stared at her as if she had just suggested the Earth was shaped like a bowling pin.

"Xipe Totec." Murdoc repeated. "Your old friend from the box. We were just discussing him?"

Understanding suddenly came to Kirsty's eyes. He had never told her his _name_, she realized, suddenly feeling foolish. "We weren't really_ that_ close." She explained.

"Ah." Murdoc replied. "In that case, you may wanna see this."

See what? Her confusion must have been obvious.

"She just said Xipe and Blackheart are stuck as five-year olds and they need Julian to change them back." Murdoc reminded her. "How many chances are you** ever** going to have to see him like this? Think about it. He'll **never **live it down."

"They're also covered in neon paint." The girl in the purple wig added.

That did it. Kirsty's curiosity was piqued. Not thinking about what would happen if he were to see her here; Kirsty found herself following the others down the hallway.

"Whoa!" Ryan exclaimed catching sight of the mess the hallway was left in. "Maybe we better get a cleaning crew back in here."

Kirsty stared wide eyed. The hall was covered in bullet holes and there was neon paint and dark colored blood covering a huge section of the hallway floor.

"It's this way." The girl went on, leading them in the direction of the Med Lab.

From outside the door, the voices of those inside seemed to echo.

"If you two can't cut it out, I'm going to stand the both of you in corners for the rest of the day and not let you kill another person." A man's exasperated voice grumbled.

"He hasn't killed _anyone_ yet, unless you count the clone he tore apart in the Waiting Room."

"Blackheart!"

"_He_ started it."

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Crybaby."

"Ah shut up, ya demented _porcupine_!"

* * *

><p>Inside the Med Lab, Dreamer had her hands over her mouth so tight she was sure she'd leave bruises, but at this point, she didn't care. This had to be one of the most entertaining moments of her entire life. The other cenobites would never believe this. Heck, <strong>she<strong> wouldn't have believed it had she not _seen_ the whole thing.

In the midst of her strangled laughter, she felt an elbow in her side and turned to look at Nikoletta. Her friend was motioning to the doorway.

Dreamer turned and her eyes widened.

"_He doesn't __**see**__ her._" Chatterer's voice announced inwardly, with a hint of amusement.

In the doorway with Mindy and three men, Kirsty was standing in complete and utter shock, openmouthed and wide-eyed.

Murdoc gave Ryan a wicked grin, pulled out his camera and started snapping pictures. "Were the two of you going to act like adults long enough to be changed back or shall we all give Miss Cotton something **else** to tell her therapist the next time she goes to see her?" Murdoc asked loud enough to be heard over the din.

Xipe, facing away from the door, heard the familiar name and froze, cursing his lack of telepathy here. Of _all _the times for her to show up, why **now**?

Blackheart, watching him in amusement, turned to look up at the dark haired woman in the doorway. In the most innocent tone he could muster up, he turned sad pained eyes to the Cotton woman. "**He** started it." He informed her, pitifully, eyes watering. "He was making **fun** of me!"

At this, Dreamer completely lost it. She slid out of her chair collapsing into giggles on the floor.

Xipe finally turned around, his face disgusted. "**That . . . **was shamelessly _pathetic_."

Blackheart turned with a smirk. "Says _you_."

Murdoc looked impressed. "We should cast him in the next _Spoof_."

Ignoring this, Kirsty could only stare in amazement. Was this _really_ the monster that had scared her senseless before? She blinked. He was actually kind of _cute_ in an odd sort of way.

Beside her, Murdoc leaned over. "Eight by ten and framed?" He whispered, holding up his camera.

She couldn't answer.

Xipe, glaring, turned to the newcomers. "And which of you is here to fix this?"

Julian moved forward and gave him a nod. "No problem." He announced, waving a hand.

Blackheart turned to look at the mirror. "You can't get the paint off too?"

"Do I look like a drycleaner?"

"Bummer."

Xipe, satisfied he was back to normal, ignored the paint on his clothing and face. Quietly, he walked over to the young girl. "Mindy, I need to borrow your bayonet for a moment." He spoke up in a perfectly normal tone of voice, as if one would ask or the loan of a pencil.

Mindy gave an evil grin and walked over to where she'd left the spear propped against the wall and handed it over.

The bayonet in one hand, he then walked over to Mindy's father. "I need the rifle too."

Damon, without one word of protest, handed it over.

Kirsty stared in amazement as he then approached her. She breathed in sharply, trying not to show her fear.

Xipe paused, looking her in the eye. "I'll be right back." He casually told her before walking out the door to the Med Lab and heading down the hall, the bayonet over his shoulder and the gun in his hand.

Mindy's eyes widened. "Ooooh, I have to see this!" She exclaimed, rushing out after him.

Malucci shot one look at Greene and ran through the door. They were followed by everyone else, including Kirsty.

"Where's he going?" Kirsty asked in a whisper.

"Just watch." Blackheart replied with an evil grin. "He's going to go make a **mess**."

* * *

><p>In the main filming room, which was the largest in the entire complex of buildings, Elliot was standing in front of the large cardboard '<em>Director's Box'<em> talking with Joey.

Knowing his demon counterpart would be looking for him very soon Elliot had split up the members of their group, not wanting them to get in the way.

"Elliot." Joey suddenly interrupted, nodding toward the doorway.

"Get out of the way." He ordered her quietly, turning to face the pin faced demon. "I see all this playing has put color in your face."

Instead of answering, Xipe cocked the rifle; his face emotionless.

"After all this, you're just going to _shoot_ me?"

"Not at all." The demon replied, his face taking on a sadistic grin. "Her."

Elliot's head jerked as the gun went off.

Joey, hit in the chest, fell to the floor.

"You brought this on yourself." Xipe informed him, sweetly, firing his second shot into Spenser's shoulder, intentionally keeping him alive.

Elliot, leaning on the wall, frowned watching the demon throw the gun to a masked man in a black outfit.

Xipe, still grinning, pulled out the bayonet. "This is going to hurt a bit." He informed Spenser as he neared.

* * *

><p>Out in the foyer, where Xipe had directed the others to wait, telling them he'd be right back, Kirsty looked around. What was this place some kind of a movie set?<p>

She jumped at the sound of gunshots from inside the larger room. At the large doorway to the room, several of the group were leaning over watching what was going on.

Frowning, she turned, when the others backed away from the doorway. When he came back through it, Kirsty covered her mouth in a shocked gasp.

Xipe was carrying the bayonet like a fishing pole. Skewered on the end of it was a man dressed exactly like Xipe himself.

Blinking, Kirsty realized she knew the man from an old black and white picture she had found at Channard's Institute and from when he had saved her life. It was Elliot Spenser…but how were they two separate people?

"No, no no!" Spenser growled, fighting against the bayonet. "Not out HERE!" He insisted, urgently.

Xipe, ignoring his comments, calmly carried his prize through the foyer, stopping at the main bulletin board. "Such a pity." He murmured, looking at Blackheart. "There is not enough room."

"Awww." Blackheart pouted.

"I suppose we will have to use the _wall_ instead."

"You're going to get into trouble!" Elliot insisted through clenched teeth.

Xipe, still ignoring him proceeded to stab the bayonet into the wall beside the bulletin board, pinning Spenser like an insect on a piece of cardboard.

"Can we throw things at him?" Mindy asked, innocently.

Elliot eyed the girl. "Is this the best you can do?"

"I can do more." Xipe assured him, smiling.

Kirsty covered her mouth and turned away as the demon brought his foot down at Spenser's ankles, jerking his body downward against the sharp end of the bayonet.

"This has to be the most messed up form of suicide I've ever seen." Dave commented, blinking.

"He shot me first." Xipe pointed out. "Twice."

"Bite me." Elliot retorted, flatly.

Xipe turned to Blackheart and held Spenser's arms out.

Blackheart grinned, grabbed one of Xipe's blades and walked back fifteen feet before turning and hurling the knife, pinning one wrist to the wall.

Mindy followed suit with the other wrist.

The group backed up to survey their work.

"It's missing something." Totec commented, frowning.

"I'm going to kill your dog when they bring it back to life again." Spencer informed him.

The other cenobites shook their heads, knowing what was coming next.

Xipe, a thoughtful smile playing at his lips, looked his human counterpart in the eye. "You don't mind if I borrow this, do you?" He asked politely, pulling a new hunting knife from a sheath at Spenser's hip.

Elliot, not even flinching, maneuvered his hand against the wall and calmly held up his middle finger.

Kirsty covered her eyes and turned away as the demon lunged.

"Ooohh, ouch." Damon groaned. "Right through the _forehead._"

Sighing, Xipe moved back to where Murdoc was standing. "Eight by ten and framed." He remarked, casually.

"Yes sir." Murdoc responded, snapping a picture.

"And Atrocor, I believe that is five points." Xipe remarked to Blackheart.

"And three for each of the ones from the hallway." Blackheart responded, writing it down. "And one point to Chatterer for scoring an injury on one of them."

"And four more points for Joey." Xipe added. "Are we winning yet?"

"Catching up." Blackheart informed him.

"That's disgusting." Kirsty moaned, trying not to look at the mess.

"Pretend it was your husband." Xipe told her impassively.

"Zing!" Mindy smirked giggling at Kirsty's appalled expression.


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER SIX: "HELL'S FURY VS EVILSPOOFAUTHOR'S FURY"**

WARNING: Author is not in right mind, therefore this entire story can legally be classified as Temporary Insanity…but hey it relieves stress.

* * *

><p>In the main filming room, Carter, having seen Joey get shot, moved quickly over to work on getting <em>her<em> back, knowing that Spenser was about to follow.

"He's taking him to the _foyer_!" Luka whispered, urgently to Carter.

Carter shook his head. "His funeral."

"Spenser's trying to stop him."

"As if _anything_ is stopping him after that last one." Carter responded, pulling out his bag.

Luka frowned. "He shot _Joey_? She wasn't even _**in**_ on that one!"

"Yeah, probably ticked off about his dog."

Luka gave a nod. "Well I have to admit, if it were my dog, I'd have shot Rorschach and Cassi would have done a lot more than that."

"I think he was going for what would get to Elliot more." Carter answered. "I'm surprised he didn't torture_ her_."

"He's not allowed to." Luka reminded him. "Kill yes, injure yes, torture no. Aslan doesn't approve of torturing anyone for something someone _else _did."

"Ow."

"Welcome back, Joey." Carter announced. "You're probably just in time to bring that suicidal masochist of a love interest of yours back to life again."

Joey sat up, studying the blood all over the front of her shirt. "I don't suppose this comes out?"

Luka shrugged and touched it. The blood seemed to disappear.

Joey blinked. "Wow."

"It's still there." Luka warned her. "All I did was change the color. You'll still want to soak that."

"Well, at least the stain should come out easier." She commented, allowing Carter to help her off the floor. Eyeing the blood all over the front of the Director's Box from the gunshot, she turned back to Carter. "Let's just go find what's left of Elliot."

"Aw, you're so optimistic." Carter quipped, shaking his head.

The trio met up with Doc just inside the doorway leading to the foyer.

"You _really_ don't wanna see this one." Doc told her, seriously.

"Do I have a _choice_?" Joey responded, pointedly. "I have to wake him up."

"We'll have to get him off the wall first and pull all the weapons out." Doc informed her, not moving.

"They hung him on the _wall_?"

"Dave said they couldn't fit him on the Bulletin Board."

Carter leaned over and looked at the floor. A wide blood trail from the Director's Box, leading all the way out into the foyer, across the carpeting, all the way to the wall they had left him on. All over the carpet were footprints in the blood, which was also smeared all over the wall. "Oooohh, I'm looking at 'dead man walking.'" He groaned, shaking his head. "She's _killed_ people for less than this."

Ardeth, spotting his brother from the other side of the foyer, quickly approached, carefully stepping around the mess. "Cassi's coming down." He announced. "With Hal, Archie and Aslan. She says don't move anything yet."

Joey, having seen the mess on the floor, nodded. "I'll be in there." She spoke up, letting Doc escort her to the other room. "Let me know when you have him down."

"No problem." Carter replied.

* * *

><p>Cassi blinked. "Why is my Assistant on the wall next to the Bulletin Board?"<p>

"Probably because Xipe said he didn't fit on the Bulletin Board itself." Lucy spoke up.

Cassi remained silent, in thought, surveying the scene. "What did he do, gut and _**flay**_him?" She demanded, making a face.

"Well, you kind of have to admit he **was** asking for it." Lucy told her, pointedly.

"LOOK AT MY CARPET!"

"Cassi…" Aslan spoke up, shaking his head.

"No, now we have people_ not_ involved with this game that come through here and I know for fact some of them are _**barfing in the bathroom**_!" Cassi went on. "This is the **MAIN FOYER**! _**Not**_ everyone wants to see a mutilated **body** on the wall!"

"Well that **is** true." Archie spoke up, looking to Aslan.

"Make them clean my carpet or something." Cassi insisted. "We have_ parents_ that come through here. Sure we could have the Jawas do it, but they're still working on the mess in the Waiting Room and the broken glass still needs to be cleaned up, which I believe was **also** his fault considering it was _his_ dog. Seriously, I have to clean the mess every time _my_ dog does it to someone else's place."

"Very well." Aslan replied after a moment. "I'll let them know. I assume you mean all of them?"

"Yeah, anyone in the group." Cassi answered. "At least those who were part of the group at that time. They should share the responsibility. Besides, the more people, the faster it's done, the sooner the game resumes."

"What about Elliot?" Haldir questioned.

"Elliot tried to stop him." Carter informed them. "He was protesting the whole way out the door. He told them they'd get into trouble for going out there."

Cassi nodded. "Alright, get him down and bring him back." She ordered Carter, who was standing with Ardeth and Doc. "And the weapons that aren't his are confiscated until the carpet is scrubbed."

"Yes ma'am." Carter responded, heading with Ardeth for the wall.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile the group with Xipe and Blackheart were headed back to the Med Lab to pick up the weapons Damon and Mindy had left there. After the fight in the hallway, Damon had offered to distribute firearms to the Cenobites. Since they were no longer invincible to bullets, Xipe had decided they should have more than just their blades.<p>

In addition to this, Chatterbeast had not yet been brought back when they had left due to the serious damage from the shotgun, but Dave had received a message from Benton to tell him the dog was waiting for them.

They were almost to Med Lab when Xipe and Blackheart stopped in their tracks, looking annoyed.

"What is it?" Damon asked, frowning.

Blackheart groaned. "Do we _have_ to?"

The others stared at the two.

Xipe closed his eyes and shook his head, exasperated. "We go to Med Lab first." He concluded, continuing.

"What's going on?" Kirsty asked, confused.

"Aslan says we have to go back to the foyer." Blackheart relayed.

"_Aslan_?" Kirsty asked, staring.

Blackheart turned to look at her. "Yeah you know, great big huge talking Lion." He responded, as if it were obvious. "He's the main one running this whole mess. You honestly think we'd take orders from an insane human with ADD who thinks the box is nothing but a beeper?"

Kirsty frowned, deciding not to comment on the Lion. "She thinks the box is a beeper?"

"Yeah." Blackheart replied. "What was it she said exactly?" He paused, thinking. "Oh yes, that it was an '18th Century made French Beeper.'"

Kirsty blinked, noting Xipe's sideways glance at her. "Um, well not to contradict or anything, but . . . when you think about it, it sort of **is**." Avoiding the gaze of the pin headed demon that was now glaring daggers at her, she went on. "Well, seriously." She insisted. "The box is supposed to be a way of summoning the Cenobites and when it's opened, it calls them there. Isn't that kind of what a beeper does?"

Xipe stopped and turned to her, grabbing her by the chin to look her in the eye. "The box is NOT a **beeper**!" He growled.

"Right! Got it!" Kirsty submitted, holding both hands up in surrender. _Note to self: The box is NOT a beeper._

Letting her go, Totec continued down the hall.

"Does he mean **all** of us have to go back to the foyer?" Dave questioned, breaking the tension.

"Everyone who is currently part of this group." Blackheart announced. "Does that count you?"

Dave sighed. "Yeah I guess it does now."

"Woo-hoo, Invisible Guy's on **our **side!" Mindy hollered.

"Guess it counts me too." Julian remarked, shrugging. "What about you guys?"

Murdoc gave a sly grin. "I'm an Assassin." He responded, smirking. "That makes me a bad guy."

"You said you were a US Marshal." Kirsty reminded him.

"I _played_ one once." Murdoc defended. "Twice in fact."

"No, you played a US _Psycho_, not a Marshal." Dave corrected.

"Unbelievable." Kirsty muttered.

"It's okay." Ryan informed her. "I'm really a terrorist who specializes in homemade explosives."

"_Really_?" Dreamer asked, grinning.

"My Xanth talent is conjuring weapons of any form." Murdoc added. "In fact, where do you think the Puzzle box came from?"

"I wondered how they got a new one after the first went into the microwave." Xipe commented, shaking his head.

"They _microwaved _the box?" Kirsty groaned.

"Pippin did it." Dave supplied. "It was on the camera footage; and unfortunately it had enough metal in it to seriously damage it."

"And that was after the First Assistant Director threw it across the room to open it." Xipe replied, pulling open the doors to the Med Lab.

"Of course." Dave snorted. "If it doesn't work, throw it against a wall. It** still** might not work, but you feel better."

"Would it not be easier to just find someone it **does **work for?" Xipe asked pointedly.

"Well yeah, but this was Archie." Dave responded.

Xipe stopped and turned to look at Dave. "Cassi could have opened it quite easily." He told the doctor, matter of factly.

"How do you know?" Dave asked, frowning. "Aslan's blocking all your mind reading except for when you're talking to other cenobites."

"I don't have to read her thoughts to know that." Xipe retorted, shrewdly.

Greene looked up from the chair he was sitting in. "I was told to tell you guys to head back to the foyer."

"We know." Dave informed him. "Aslan already told us."

* * *

><p>In the foyer, Spenser now on the floor at the side of the ruined carpet, allowed Joey and Doc to pull him into a sitting position. His entire outfit was covered in blood and he was spitting what was left out of his mouth.<p>

"I guess bringing him back gave him an automatic blood transfusion." Doc commented, watching Spenser gag. "Told you he was gonna be pissed off."

Elliot shook his head to clear it. "Well I hope everyone that wanted to see that saw it because I will _not_ be doing that again." He announced, loudly.

Joey gave a wry smile. "How's that taste?"

Elliot made a face. "Copper coated tinfoil." He responded, gagging again. "Get me off the floor before someone starts filming."

"I think they already took pictures." Carter informed him. "Murdoc, Ryan, Julian, and Dave are now on their side. Not sure about that Cotton woman, but she was with them."

"Kirsty is here?" Spenser asked, staring as Doc and Joey helped him up.

"Ryan and Murdoc nabbed her." Ardeth supplied. "We still have our _US Psychos_ badges."

"I am **so** not asking." Joey commented, shaking her head.

Elliot groaned. "I think I need a shower."

"I think you do too." Ardeth stated, wrinkling his nose.

"Does that armor ride up when it gets sticky?" Lucy asked curiously from where she was watching from the side.

Elliot closed his eyes, with a sigh. "Actually, now that you mention it. Yes."

"The things Doug Bradley never told us." Carter quipped, laughing.

"Who?" Spenser asked, bewildered.

* * *

><p>"Cassi wants to know if Kirsty is part of your group." Greene went on. "If so, she has to go with you."<p>

"Oh, we're in trouble." Murdoc grumbled.

"I knew it." Dave sighed. "We're gonna have to spend the rest of the day scrubbing the carpet and the wall."

Kirsty's eyes widened. "_**What?"**_

"If she's not part of the team,_ she_ doesn't have to." Greene corrected. "Now I know there was no discussion making her part of the team in here and I already told Cassi as much."

"That's true." Damon admitted. "She never said anything and neither did we."

Xipe, with a thoughtful look, turned his head back to Dr. Greene. "And what have they said of the damages to the hallway out here?" He asked, pointedly. "Who is to clean up all the paint?"

"I like the way he thinks." Dave remarked, laughing.

Blackheart grinned. "Ooooh and oil based paint too." He sighed.

Kirsty looked confused.

"Elliot's group threw it on Xipe and Blackheart." Dreamer informed her, quietly.

"It would serve them right." Blackheart muttered. "I'm going to have to throw these clothes out."

Greene hung up the phone. "They're coming to take a look at it now." He reported. "I told them it's close enough to Med Lab that we need it cleaned up." He turned his head. "And it appears your pet is finally back."

Chatterbeast surveyed the room, and spotting his master alive and well, the animal went straight to his side and sat down, sniffing at Kirsty.

Kirsty, who had never seen the Chatterbeast, was amazed.

Catching her stare, the animal snarled and chattered his teeth, drooling.

"Charming." She responded, stepping away from it.

"I think he's cute." Mindy put in, grinning. "Can I pet him or will he take my hand off?"

"Try it and find out." Xipe answered, surveying the assortment of weapons Damon had laid out.

Mindy stretched her hand out to the dog, which quietly held still while she petted him.

"Careful of the wires." Xipe warned, not turning away from the weapons.

Nodding she steered around the wires that held the skin back from the animal's teeth.

Kirsty had quietly seated herself in one of the chairs, watching the girl. She had thought all this time that in her repeated encounters with the pin headed demon she now knew as Xipe, that she had gotten to know him fairly well, but seeing the way he acted toward this little girl she knew couldn't be more than about twelve years old, it amazed her. What was it about this girl that he would have such respect for?

Feeling someone staring at her, Kirsty looked up. Leaning against a table, Blackheart was studying her with interest. Murdoc had mentioned he was something in the lines of the son of Satan, but whether it was true or something they were joking about, she was unsure.

"Okay everyone!" A male voice called from the doorway.

The group turned. "Hey Archie." Dave called, nodding. "Meet Kirsty. Kirsty, this is Archie Kennedy. He's the Director's Pet Assistant."

Kirsty eyed the long haired, blue eyed Englishman in the doorway.

"Pleased to meet you." He responded with a nod before turning back to the rest of the group. "Cassi has taken a look at the hallway damages and Carter did admit to throwing the balloon." Archie went on. "But since Spenser was not in on that part, she's assigned Doc, Carter, Lights, Lowe, Rorschach, and Will Murdoch to clean the mess in the hallway. The rest of you are to change clothes if you need to and scrub as much of the mess from the carpet as is possible, and the wall as well."

"Any questions?" Cassi asked, leaning through the doorway.

"Do we have to?" Blackheart questioned.

"Yes." Cassi answered, somberly. "You must be Kirsty."

Kirsty eyed the redheaded woman who didn't look that much younger than she was. "Yes, that would be me."

"Are you part of this group?"

"She was not part of it then and we've not mentioned it to her." Xipe told Cassi from where he was helping Damon fit Dreamer with a gun holster and a bullet proof vest.

"I was down there." Kirsty answered after a beat. "I should be helping too."

"Are you sure?" Mindy asked, looking over at her. "We're not going to kick your ass if you don't you know."

"I'm sure." Kirsty insisted. After Murdoc, Ryan, and even Dave had agreed to help clean the carpet, it didn't seem right to not help.

"Okay then." Cassi responded. "Get to it. Play with the guns later."

"We'll get into more bullet proof vests then too." Damon responded, eyeing the fronts of the other Cenobites' clothing as he helped Dreamer back out of the vest.

"Good move." Dreamer agreed. Her clothing left her mostly uncovered and now that she was not immune to bullets, she wanted something more protective to wear.

* * *

><p>Standing outside the main doors about fifteen minutes later, Archie sighed. He was waiting for a few more people to show up. One woman had a young boy so Cassi had told him to wait outside the door and avoid both the Waiting Room and the foyer.<p>

"How goes the game playing?"

Archie turned, recognizing Rick Myers. "Did you see the mess in the foyer?"

"No, but I heard about it." Rick responded. "I figured they have enough of an audience in there now without adding to it."

Archie nodded. "Were you planning to join them?"

"Is it still going?"

"Yeah, they're just taking a break." Archie replied. "Cassi added their points up. She says that stunt in there actually put him up to 20 so he's only one point behind Spenser. Blackheart and Xipe don't know it yet but killing Ardeth in the hallway was worth four, not three because of the Magician Class talent."

Rick frowned. "What is the scoring again?"

"Five for the leaders, four each on Magician Class talents including Joey and whoever Xipe decides to have bring _them_ back, Blackheart's also four due to his killing method, Damon and Mindy are worth four each, Julian is four, Doc is worth four, Carter's four, the rest are three each depending on their talents, and if you and the Puppets join, each puppet is worth three, like the Chatterbeast is three." Archie rattled off checking a list Cassi had given him. "And one point each on scoring injuries."

Rick nodded. "I'll let the puppets know about it." He responded, nodding. "They're all interested except Decapitron and Leach Woman."

"That's the Toulons, right?"

"Yeah, Andre isn't really into killing people as part of a game but he did say the others were free to join in." Rick told him. "Are you going to join it?"

Archie shrugged. "I haven't decided yet." He answered, shrugging. "My Xanth talent is a force field that blocks anything it considers to be a weapon from hitting me, but it doesn't mean I can't be killed, just makes it more difficult."

The loud screeching of tires in the parking area startled the pair out of their conversation.

Archie frowned.

"Nice Ferrari." Rick commented, whistling.

Archie sighed, shaking his head. "I might have known _they_ would show up."

"Who are they?" Rick asked, watching two men get out of the car. His eyes widened as he looked from the driver to Archie and back again. "Wow."

"He's a few years older than me." Archie informed him.

"Your brother?"

"No, we just look alike." Archie answered, giving the two men a nod. "He was born in Kansas."

The two approached, grinning.

"Rick, this is Steve Wilson and Jason Caulder." Archie went on. "Also called Whiplash and WreckingBall. Steve is a tornado chaser and Jason joins him when he's not putting old cars back together."

The two men shook hands with Rick.

"Shipwreck called Wild Child." Steve told Archie, with a mischievous smile.

"And she didn't come?"

"She's working in her Dark Room." Jason replied. "She says maybe later on."

Archie nodded. "Well, the last time I saw Moody, he was in the main filming room and Spenser went to go take a shower."

"Okay, we'll find him" Steve returned.

"Careful of the wet carpet." Archie warned from the doorway. "The other group is in there scrubbing it."

"Thanks for the warning." Jason called back.

"Interesting people." Rick commented after a bit.

"Adrenaline junkies here to get their daily buzz." Archie responded.

"They didn't get that from the car ride here? I saw that Ferrari come squealing in here."

"It wasn't enough."

Rick sighed, shaking his head.

Archie tipped his chin eying another car pulling in. "That looks like it might be our mom and her kid."

"Who's she?"

"Name is Bobbi Merchant with her son, Jack." Archie replied. "Cassi is buying her off by bringing back her husband."

"What happened to him?"

Archie looked up at the woman getting out of the car and lowered his voice. "I believe he was decapitated . . . by the Demonic Porcupine in there cleaning the floor."

"Ouch." Rick responded. "Awkward."

"I'll take her around to the back way." Archie stated, with a wink.

"Smart move."

* * *

><p><em>[The Kansas City Tornado Chase Team is my creation and all are original characters. However, suffice it to say, Steve Wilson looks like Lowe and Hornblower except his hair is a medium length. Jason Caulder looks like Archie but his hair is shorter, he has both ears pierced. Also both Steve and Jason have the same tattoo on their left upper arm. "Hesston, KS; F-5, March 13<em>_th__, 1990." (And the tattoo is of a tornado) The name __**Shipwreck**__ was given to James Moody when he spent two weeks out with the Chase Team in my early preparations for the__** Titanic**__ Spoof. Moody is seeing Cyndi Wilder "Wild Child" the group's photographer who also happens to be Jason Caulder's cousin.] Pix of the Chase team can be found in the Photobucket drawing gallery listed on my profile page in the album titled something in the lines of KCTC or Kansas City Tornado Chasers and yes they are my own drawings. (If anyone is particularly interested)_

* * *

><p>Score: Spenser: 21 Xipe: 20<p>

Closing notes:

CASSI & KIRSTY: The box is NOT a beeper, the box is NOT a beeper, the box is NOT a beeper…..


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER SEVEN: "INTERMISSION AND CLEANUP"**

WARNING: Immaturity is very contagious.

WARNING 2: This chapter is kinda short, but I hope it has enough laughs to satisfy.

* * *

><p>Doc frowned, staring at the hallway floor. "I don't remember it being quite this bad."<p>

"That's because it didn't have footprints trailing all the way down the hall when we left it." Carter replied, rolling his eyes.

Indeed, it appeared as if the entire group with the Cenobites had not only walked through the mess more than once, dragging it down the hall in the direction of the foyer, but they had also tracked it all the way to Med Lab, with obvious scrape marks in places where they had smeared it off the bottoms of their shoes.

Rorschach shook his head. "Even the _dog_ tracked it all over the place." He muttered, looking as if he was considering stalking out to the foyer and shooting the beast again. The dog had in fact walked through the mess several times and as it appeared; bounced all the way down the hall and back again, scraping his paws off on the wall where his bloody remains had been scattered.

"Is this even _fair_?" Murdoch demanded.

Lights shrugged. "Well, look on the bright side." He spoke up, setting a bucket of soapy water and a bottle of paint thinner on the floor. "The mess in the foyer is _still_ bigger and they're cleaning a carpet. We just have tiles."

Ardeth gave a nod. "I suppose he's right." He commented setting down his own bucket. "Let's get this over with."

Ardeth, having been killed before the paint had hit the floor, had not been in on the group assigned to clean the floor, but he had decided that if his brother was going to clean the floor, so was he, just as Carter would have done had it been the other way around.

"Elliot said he'd be down after he gets all the blood off." Doc told the others.

"Ah, he doesn't have to do that." Carter remarked, waving it off. "There're more than enough of us to get this up."

"I told him that." Doc returned. "He insists he was the ring-leader so he should be here too."

"We'll see how much is left when he gets down here." Lights replied, getting down to work.

* * *

><p>Out in the foyer, the Cenobites' group was already up to their elbows in soapy water and carpet cleaner.<p>

After assuring that the other group would be busy in the hall a while, they had walked off, looking completely innocent, to get to work on the foyer. Aslan however was not fooled, but he did not comment either, much to the relief of Xipe and Blackheart.

Though some of the group had taken the time to change into different clothing, Xipe had merely shrugged and pointed out that his clothing couldn't really get much worse than it already was, and Blackheart, choosing only to remove his long coat because it was more convenient that way had agreed with him. The inside of his entire outfit was covered in blood and ripped open from the stab wound anyway.

Mindy and Damon had removed capes, gloves and masks, not caring about the rest of their outfits.

Dave was in scrubs anyway and already covered in blood from bringing back more than one dead body.

Murdoc and Ryan had changed into combat pants and tanks, with Lucy's talent and Kirsty, Julian, and the Cenobites had chosen not to change clothing at all.

Seated in different areas of the carpet vigorously scrubbing, the group had traded off giving obscene hand gestures to the members of the other group that passed through with comments and occasionally went into chatting amongst themselves.

Kirsty found Blackheart, or Atrocor, as Xipe called him to be an interesting person to listen to, though he was a bit insane at times. He did in fact clarify to her he was the son of Mephisto but as he put it; 'not by _choice_.'

Xipe had bluntly told her he was a spoiled brat.

To this, Mindy had pointed out that if Blackheart had perhaps grown up as the son of God, he would have had a better parental example, to which Blackheart had laughed his ass off.

"Hey Julian, what did you do to get thrown out of the Assistant's ranks anyway?" Damon asked, out of the blue. "I heard you were one of them until you did something naughty."

Murdoc, Ryan and Dave burst into laughter.

"Ah yes, do tell Julian." Murdoc managed to get out, turning to the others. "Ryan and I were in that spoof, but we were so bombed out on morphine through half of it, not to mention running off with Bill for the rest of it…"

"Oh, this is going to be good." Blackheart responded, with an interested smirk.

"You sure you really wanna know?" Julian asked slyly.

Even Xipe looked up, unsure as to whether this had been in the DVD's he'd seen or not.

"Well, let's see it was Bill that I got into trouble over actually."

"Poor poor Bill." Ryan murmured. "All he wanted to do was eat them."

Kirsty stared. "Who exactly is Bill again?"

"The Spinosaurous." Murdoc informed her. "He thinks he's a dog though. Don't ask how _that _happened."

"Ah the big one with sail on his back." Xipe commented, remembering the creature. "I saw him. What did you do to him?"

"Well, he has this phobia of Barney." Julian began.

Mindy started laughing. "The dinosaur is afraid of _**Barney**_?"

"They **all** are." Murdoc answered. "Freaks them out. Then again, he freaks a lot of us out."

Xipe frowned. "What is Barney?"

"Um, we'll show you later." Ryan promised. "We're not allowed to talk about him here. It scares people."

"I created this hologram of the . . . purple beastie of which we do not speak, and Bill went catatonic." Julian went on. "And then after he went through counseling with Dr. Lecter, he decided to sue me for _personal stress_."

Most of the group, including Kirsty burst into laughter.

"The _**dinosaur**_ _sued_ you?" Dreamer asked, giggling.

"Well, it wasn't the weirdest thing threatening to sue us." Murdoc told her pointedly. "We've been threatened suing by two rings; one being the One Ring, the script in a couple spoofs, and a crash cart."

"That's not counting the _actors_ who have threatened to sue." Dave added.

"Interesting place you have here." Nikoletta remarked, shaking her head.

"Well if Sven's other Assistant Dor shows up today, we'll probably get threatened by the puzzle box too." Murdoc announced. "Dor is the King of Xanth and his talent is making inanimate objects speak, so all the objects talking are his fault . . . except for the One Ring. It kind of talked to start with."

"By the way . . ." Dave spoke up, turning to Xipe. "Just for the record, who's bringing the dead back the next time you all get killed, like say on the off chance that _**I**_ get killed or something?"

Xipe frowned and shrugged, not having thought of this.

"Tell you what; I'll give you until the next time about three of you die before I shoot myself." Dave responded, smirking. "I'm_ sick_ of bringing bodies back."

"You can pick_ her_." Murdoc suggested, pointing at Kirsty.

Kirsty's eyes widened.

"Right." Dave snorted. "Then she faces the temptation of leaving_ his_ ass dead at the end."

The other Cenobites quickly looked away, trying to hide their amusement.

Xipe merely pulled a sopping wet sponge out of the bucket and chucked it at Dave, hitting him in the face.

Kirsty, ignoring this, frowned in thought.

Mindy burst into giggles. "She's actually _considering_ it!"

Blackheart gave a devious smile and turned to look at Xipe. "Well, I suppose it would spare you of having to listen to yet another deal in exchange for her soul." He retorted.

The Cenobites gave up trying to hide their amusement and burst into laughter, Xipe included.

Kirsty turned bright red.

"Oh come on!" Blackheart argued, nudging Kirsty's shoulder with one soaking wet hand. "At this point, he'd probably want to kill himself at the words, 'Wait! I'll make you a deal.'"

"Seriously would you fall for that a fourth time?" Ryan asked pointedly.

Xipe shrugged. "I only let her go the third time because I knew she would be back." He informed them matter of factly.

"Like hell I would." Kirsty protested.

"And yet here you are." Nikoletta remarked.

"I had two men claiming to be US Marshals on my doorstep telling me it was a matter of life and death." Kirsty insisted. "**He** wanted _me_ here, not the other way around."

Xipe met her accusing gaze without a flinch. "Had you truly intended never to return, you would have left that box with the police instead of taking it home with you." He paused with a triumphant smirk. "And you not only kept it, but brought it here with you, didn't you?"

"Sorry darling, I checked your luggage." Murdoc proclaimed, before Kirsty could deny it. "It's in there."

"Wow…busted." Mindy commented. "And he can't even read her mind here."

"As if _that_ required telepathy." Xipe retorted, flatly.

Kirsty, keeping her gaze fixed on the carpet, hid the glimmer that had appeared in her eyes. Her hand, gripping the sponge she was using on the carpet twitched. Instead of commenting, she decided to see what she could get away with. Without stopping to consider the consequences, she reared back and threw the sponge at the pin headed demon.

Xipe, much to Kirsty's disappointment, saw it coming and dodged the soaking wet sponge. It missed the side of his amused face by a fraction of an inch.

The group exchanged looks of mischief and before anyone knew it, they were all throwing wet sponges at each other.

* * *

><p>Down in the back hallway, Elliot, Joey, and a few others had joined their team mates in scrubbing the hallway floor. They had separated into smaller groups in different parts of the hallway and Med Lab to get to the areas that had been spread out by the other group.<p>

In the doorway of Med Lab, Elliot, Joey and Doc were on their knees with paint thinner and scrub brushes, cleaning the mess that had been tracked all the way into the waiting area. The mess not only contained the neon oil based paint, but it was also covered in blood from having the three dead bodies brought in.

Naturally, the other team had kindly tracked _that_ all over the place as well.

"I think turning them into five year olds affected their brains." Doc commented, shaking his head. "Xipe seems to have gotten a lot more immature lately."

"Don't look at me, it wasn't my idea." Elliot replied. "That was Ardeth and Carter."

"I don't know." Joey cut in. "That Blackheart probably would have done this anyway. Maybe he's rubbing off on Xipe."

"Is the floor still wet?" Archie asked from the doorway.

The trio looked up.

"Yes." Elliot answered, sitting up. "What did you need?"

"Just leading um…" Archie paused, with a guilty look. "Mrs. . . . . Um Merchant in to see her husband."

Elliot's head shot up and he groaned. "Please tell me you're _joking_."

The red headed woman behind Archie moved to get a better look around him and her mouth dropped in shock. Elliot, though he had taken a shower removing all the blood, was still wearing Cenobite armor, as was Doc; but as she got a closer look at Elliot, it was clear she recognized his face.

"What is going on here?" Bobbi Merchant demanded glaring at Archie. "You didn't say _any_thing about _them_ being here!"

"Um, actually, this isn't who you think it is." Archie interrupted, placing a hand on her shoulder. "This is Captain Elliot Spenser, our Third Assistant Director. He's the** human** side of the demon, and had nothing to do with your husband's death."

"Well I was there, but technically, **he** was the one running things." Elliot corrected.

"But they're the same person?" Bobbi remarked, pointedly.

"Not anymore." Joey spoke up. "The people who I guess are bringing your husband back also separated Elliot and . . . It."

Mrs. Merchant stood for a moment, considering this. "Is . . . _It _here as well then?" She asked, looking around, nervously eyeing the pile of weapons and gear laid out on the tables in the back, noticing for the first time, the bloody paw prints trailing all over the place. She remembered very vividly her encounter with the Chatterbeast.

"Um, well yes he is, but not in here now." Elliot assured her. "He and his . . . team are in the main foyer scrubbing the blood off the carpet."

She stared at him for a moment.

"Don't ask. It's safer." Doc told her, winking.

"It's why we delivered your son to the Kid Room." Archie informed her, slowly. "We sort of have an unusual game going on here and it's safest to keep any children on the premises confined in the Kid Room for now. You and your husband can both see him there, though if you wish to get some revenge on your adversary or by any chance your husband does, you may _both_ join the game. They're not invincible to bullets anymore, and we bring back all the dead. In fact, Elliot has already killed _It_ twice."

Bobbi's face took on an interested look before she knew it. "Can I shoot that _mutt_ of his?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well Rorschach already blew its head off _once_." Doc informed her, coolly. "But hey, they brought it back; it made the mess in the hallway all the more bigger so none of us really like it right now. Knock yourself out. I'll even loan you a shotgun."

"A word of warning though." Elliot pointed out. "He gets really pissed off when his dog is involved, and it tends to make his temper all the more worse . . . which is how they ended up cleaning a huge blood mess in the foyer."

"It was _his_ blood." Joey told the woman matter of factly, pointing at Elliot. "And believe me; you don't want details on what ol' Pinhead did to him."

* * *

><p>In the foyer, at Aslan's insistence, the group had ceased the water fight and gone back to cleaning the floor, though their conversation had not stopped.<p>

"Let's say if she ever were to try it again, what would you ask for?" Blackheart spoke up, looking at Xipe.

Xipe met his gaze. "You mean on my own terms?" He questioned.

"Yeah, except besides her soul or any other souls." Blackheart went on. "No souls peroid."

The group looked at Xipe, who frowned, considering it. After a moment, he raised his head, looking right at Kirsty. "I want five hundred million dollars." He responded, with a completely straight face. "For _'personal stress_.'"

The group burst into laughter.

"A penthouse in Italy!" Dreamer interrupted, gleefully.

"A Mercedes." Mindy added, grinning.

"With a pool." Dreamer went on.

"And a pony!" Nikoletta called out. "I always wanted a pony."

"A tank!" Damon remarked. "Fully loaded."

Blackheart gave a devious grin. "While you're at it, make her sleep with you too!" He declared. "For like a month or two. May as well get some while you can."

Kirsty's mouth dropped and she gaped at Blackheart aghast.

The rest of the group was laughing so hard they were in tears.

Xipe, still straight faced, turned to look at Dreamer. "You want a **pool** in the _**car**_?" He asked, staring at her.

The group paused a moment before they all burst into hysterics.

* * *

><p>Watching from across the room, Haldir shook his head. "I think they're broken."<p>

"It's about _time_." Cassi responded, sighing. "I was afraid I'd have to take drastic measures on him."

"Making him scrub your carpet isn't drastic enough?"

Cassi paused, thinking about it. "Nah. I can be **more** drastic."

* * *

><p><em>AN The part mentioning Bill suing Julian took place in "Jurassic Spoof III" where Ryan was shot with a morphine dart and Murdoc had his arm mauled by Bill and due to the amount of stitches it took to sew it up, he was also put on morphine._

_The morphine dart conspiracy began in the first Jurassic Spoof with Carter and Ardeth and still carries on throughout the entire series and some of it even into the Breaktime Spoofs. The friendship between Ryan and Murdoc began in the Batman Spoof and like Carter and Ardeth is one of the more popular relationships of the series._


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER EIGHT "**_**ANOTHER GAME, ANOTHER EVILAUTHOR**_**"**

**Fun Fact: **Sven has now found out I'm writing this…in case you can't tell in this chapter. And things are about to get more hectic.

* * *

><p>Seated on the roof of the Complex, Pippin Took hung up his cell-phone. That wasn't too hard. Setting the game to the side, he grinned, munching a candy bar as he waited for the fun to start. Beside him, Yakko and Wakko Warner munched their own goodies. Now all they needed were two more players.<p>

They would go inside when she got here. Mohawk and Stripe had already agreed to wait in the abandoned back stage area in the shadows where they would not be seen.

* * *

><p>"I'm bored." Dave complained, flopping back on the wet carpet. "We're never gonna get all this up. You know they just put us in here to make us work."<p>

Blackheart dropped his dirty scrub brush into a bucket of water. "This is taking forever." He complained. "Can we find some more team members or something?"

Xipe; seated on one of the desk chairs, scrubbing the blood off the wall beside Damon, turned and eyed the puzzle box sitting on the main desk. "I have a few more that were interested, but I doubt they'd want to come in and clean the floor."

"Gonna play, gotta pay." Dave responded, pointedly. "They'll do it if you tell them to."

"They weren't involved with the killing that made the mess." Dreamer told him, dropping her own sponge into the bucket.

"Few of us were." Ryan pointed out. "We just happened to be part of the team. I say call them out. They wanted to be on the team, they got it….**all** of it."

Xipe shrugged, having cleared all but the last traces of blood from the wall and dropped his own brush into another bucket. He moved over behind the abandoned main desk and pulled the pink sticky note off the side of the box, rolling his eyes as he read it and threw it into the trashcan under the desk.

"Their idea of making sure no one opened the box." Blackheart explained.

Xipe shook his head in disgust. "Perhaps they should have written _'microwave me' _on the side instead." He replied. "They'd still have the _first_ one."

"Not to mention, '_throw me across the room._'" Dreamer added, making a face.

With a mischievous glitter in his eyes, Xipe turned to look at Kirsty, holding out the box.

"Over my rotting corpse." She responded, flatly.

"Aww **darn**!" Blackheart whined. "I wanted to see if she'd offer to pay him off."

"I don't have five hundred million dollars." Kirsty retorted, turning to look Blackheart in the eye. "And I'm not sleeping with him **either**!"

"Damn it!" Xipe complained under his breath.

"Is it the five hundred million or not having her sleep with you that you're griping about?" Nikoletta put in with a sly smirk.

"No comment." Their leader replied, turning his attention back to the box in his hand.

"No comment means yes." Dave called out.

"Yes to which question?" Mindy asked.

"No comment." Xipe repeated, as the box opened in his hand.

"Told you so." Murdoc whispered to Kirsty. "All foreplay, darling."

* * *

><p>Out in the parking area, two cars pulled in. Getting out of the first, a dark haired man looked up at the Complex, curiously. He closed his car door with what looked like a metal glove on his right hand. He then stepped around to the passenger side and opened that door, throwing the strap of a heavy black case over his shoulder before turning his attention to the pair getting out of the other car.<p>

Ash eyed the woman with the short dark hair and the fair haired man in the leather jacket as he approached them. "Please tell me you work here." He spoke up holding out his metal hand.

"Define_ work_." The woman replied, pointedly returning the handshake.

"I've never been here." The man responded.

Ash nodded, focusing on the woman. "You've been here before then?"

"Yeah frequently." She told him. "Who called you in?"

Ash held up a sheet of paper. "A Lieutenant Kennedy." He answered. "I was told to go to the office. I'm Ash Williams."

"Oh you're the one who kills evil dead people." The woman stated, brightening. "Well, go on in the front door. I hear there's a bunch of evil dead people in there. You can't miss them. Pippin said they were killing people in the foyer." She paused. "Are you armed?"

"I got a sawed off shotgun in the trunk." Ash informed her.

"What's in the case?" The man asked, frowning.

"Chainsaw."

"Perfect." The woman answered, grinning widely. "Bring both. Let's go Griffin, we have to meet Pippin."

Ash turned to head for the trunk of his car and then frowned. "Wait, who are—" He turned and trailed off. Where had they gone? He was now looking at a very large empty parking lot. Shaking his head, he headed for the trunk, pulling on the shotgun holster. Now there was no way he was going in without the gun.

"Evil dead people in the foyer, is there?" He remarked to himself. Was she for _real_? It was the middle of the daytime. What were they doing out _**now**_? Looking around at the empty parking lot again, Ash pulled out a smaller bag. This one contained a pile of ammunition for the shotgun. On the off chance she was serious; he carefully loaded the gun, placing it in its holster.

* * *

><p>Having been warned away from the building by Aslan, a small blonde boy was sulking on the far side of the Complex near the Residents' Entrance. Beside him, what appeared to some to be a stuffed tiger was seated beside him, also sulking.<p>

Calvin and Hobbes had been told the Narnia spoof was on hiatus and if he came into the building today, he would have to remain in the Kid Room. Naturally this, to a hyperactive six year old was unacceptable, so he had turned and left, complaining to his tiger.

Hobbes, who also had no intention of staying with the children when the X-Babies and Mutant Bullies were allowed out, had come to the same conclusion as Calvin. They would have to sneak in and see what was going on. Unfortunately, Aslan was not easy to get past. He had told them at the side entrance the same thing he'd told them at the front door.

The two were now seated on the toboggan pouting.

"Wow, you look miserable."

Calvin and Hobbes looked up.

"Aslan won't let us in." Calvin griped.

"You can come in with Griffin and I." Sven offered.

"Really?" Hobbes asked brightening. "You'll let us see what's going on?"

"We were going to play a game with Pippin." Sven replied, shrugging. "We need two more. You can play with _us_ if Aslan won't let you see their game."

Calvin's head lifted and his grin widened. "Is that the game Aslan wouldn't let us play in Narnia?" He asked eagerly.

"Yes."

"That one he said was dangerous?" Hobbes questioned, suspiciously.

"Oh come on, what could possibly go wrong?" Calvin argued at him. "Sven's one of the Directors and she'll be right there."

Hobbes gave him a flat look. "Every time you say that, my tail gets all puffy." He retorted bluntly.

"Do you want in or shall we go back home?"

Hobbes made a face. "Well I suppose it's better than going home." He finally agreed.

"Good." Sven responded, with a smile. "Pressure's off. Let's go." With this, she pulled out a key and unlocked the door. "We'll go to my office first so Griffin can get his Assistant's badge, then we'll find Pippin. He said Yakko and Wakko are with him and the others are already waiting for us."

[_Griffin is from the movie Jumper, and brought in at Sven's request as an Assistant to teleport them around the Complex …just to make some trouble.]_

* * *

><p>In the hallway near Med Lab, the group was finishing the cleanup job and chatting with the Merchants. John Merchant, upon being brought back had been updated on the situation by his by his wife. They had first gone to see Jack in the Kid Room and then returned as Spenser's group was finishing their work.<p>

"Where do we get weapons?" John asked looking around.

"Ours are in the Blue Room and in Elliot's apartment." Ardeth informed him. "Those in Med Lab belong to Damon Macready and he's arming the Cenobites, so we'd best be getting out of here before they come back."

"Good idea." Elliot remarked, nodding. "Xipe; as far as I know doesn't know about the two of you being here and will very likely be put out about it when he finds out so it's fortunate he was working in the foyer when you arrived, and not in here."

"We have some more joining us." Doc announced from the doorway. "They're in that Blue Room. That puppet guy brought his little guys with their weapons, and Moody has two friends that got here earlier."

"That'll be Whiplash and WreckingBall." Lights clarified. "Whiplash chases tornados and WreckingBall fixes the Chase vehicles Whiplash wrecks. They're a wild group."

"Interesting." Elliot commented.

"And Moody also tells me that Xipe is calling in more Cenobites and the floor is nearly done in the foyer." Doc went on. "Cassi apparently said they don't have to get all of it up, just as much as is possible, and they'll likely be replacing the carpet. The cleaning is mainly for the people who are already here today and are not part of the game."

Spenser nodded. "I know he was bringing CD, Barbie, and Butterball in." He responded, thinking. "I don't remember who else was planning to be here."

Carter gave a snicker. "Sorry, it's just that these names are going to kill me." He explained, trying to keep a straight face.

"Careful Barbie may have a weird name, but he's also got a flamethrower in his mouth." Doc warned.

"Oh that one." Joey responded, making a face. "He was a barkeeper. It's the barbed wire he was named for right?"

Elliot nodded. "I believe Camerahead was going to be here as well."

"Who?" Luka asked, confused.

"Me." Doc supplied. "I'm a photographer, remember? He looks like me without the hair and with a camera impaled through his right eye."

"Charming." Bobbi returned, looking sick.

"You're better looking." Joey told her friend with a wink.

"Yeah I know."

"He'd have to be." Murdoch quipped, making a face. "Are they all as mutilated as the ones we've already seen?"

"Yes." Doc and Elliot replied at the same time.

"Not all of them talk as some don't even have mouths but they're all a mess." Spenser added.

"What about that one woman?" John asked, frowning.

"Angelique?"

"Yeah, she wasn't messed up."

"She wasn't a Cenobite then." Elliot told Merchant honestly. "She was a demon princess from way before the Cenobites came along. Since you and your wife sent her to hell though, she was turned into one and is now as messed up as the rest of them, much to her dismay. She was not happy about that change, believe me. Obsessed with her looks, that one was."

"Is she here as well then?" Bobbi asked, frowning.

"No, not that I know of." Elliot informed her. "Cassi said she didn't want Angelique here or that JP kid we called Pistonhead. They and the Wire Twins were specified to be kept out. Don't ask me why. Cassi didn't explain."

"Not complaining." John replied, assuring. "I didn't really like Angelique much. She was rather creepy."

"Neither did Xipe or myself." Spenser agreed. "He liked to mess with her and get on her nerves, but mainly he was disgusted by her egotistical vanity."

"Pot to the kettle." Carter snorted, shaking his head.

"Exactly." Spenser clarified. "They were too much alike in different ways. It was clash of personality."

The group, passing the entrance to the foyer, briefly looked in to check on the other team.

In the foyer, the mess looked a lot better and it was very obvious there were several more Cenobites.

"What is _that _thing?" Bobbi asked quietly staring at something perched on the main desk.

"Torso Chatterer." Elliot answered, in a whisper. His attention was fixed on someone else who was standing near the main desk with a shot gun. "Who's he?"

Carter frowned. "I'm not sure."

"Ash Williams." Lights supplied. "He's another of the new ones. Must have just arrived."

* * *

><p>Xipe, still standing behind the main desk, where he'd opened the box, faced down the stranger who had shot Stitch, Butterball, and Camerahead on entry through the gates. The other Cenobites, except Torso, were down on the floor.<p>

Murdoc and Ryan were on their feet, both holding weapons trained on the intruder. It hadn't taken Murdoc more than a split second to react before he'd had himself and Ryan armed.

"Kirsty." Xipe spoke up, not shifting his gaze from the man with the gun. Knowing the man couldn't kill him, he had no intentions of backing down.

Kirsty looked up from where she had ducked behind the corner of the desk. "What?"

"Bring back the dead." Xipe ordered quietly.

Kirsty's eyes widened. Was he serious?

Dreamer looked at Nikoletta. "I knew he was going to do that." She whispered.

Nikoletta smiled. "Most definitely."

"What do I do?" Kirsty asked Dave frantically.

"Just give them a shake and tell them to wake up." Dave instructed. "They made it simple for _you_ guys."

"What's going on here?" A loud voice asked from the doorway.

Xipe made a face watching Elliot and Lights enter the foyer. Were they done cleaning already _too_?

Murdoc turned to Lights. "He's one of the new ones. Someone sent him in here telling him there were evil dead in here and to go in armed."

"Mr. Williams." Lights responded, holding up his Assistant's Badge. "Who was it you met outside?"

"A woman with short dark hair and a guy with reddish hair who said he'd never been here." Ash informed him, shrugging. "The woman seemed to know what was going on though. Called the man Griffin and said they were looking for a Pippin."

Lights frowned confused. "Pippin, I know." He responded. "Griffin, I don't know." He looked at Spenser. "And there were no mentions of a new one by the name of Griffin in our briefing. Perhaps you should describe the woman."

"What's up?"

The group turned to see Archie in the hallway leading to the Director's Offices.

"Do you know anything about a redheaded guy named Griffin?" Lights asked. "New here?"

Archie frowned. "No. Why?"

"And that is the top Assistant Director." Murdoc put in.

Ash returned the shotgun to his holster. "Sorry." He responded, looking at Xipe.

"What was that on Pippin?" Archie asked.

"Apparently they were meeting with Pippin." Lights informed him. "What did she look like again?"

"Darkish really short hair, gray eyes, about this tall." Ash answered. "Said she'd been here frequently and knew a lot about the place. They disappeared from the parking area after saying they were meeting Pippin."

Archie's eyes closed. "No…it couldn't be." He murmured, thinking.

"Couldn't be _**who**_?" Lights questioned suspiciously.

"Wait till I ask Cassi." Archie responded after a moment. "The appearance isn't quite right that I know of but Cassi'll know and if it isn't _her_, I don't want to start a panic."

"Wait a minute." Carter cut in, loudly. "Pippin called in—"

"Shut up!" Archie ordered. "We don't know that for sure yet so we won't freak anyone out until we're _positive_!"

"I'm getting freaked out." Doc commented.

"She was armed." Ash added slowly.

"So's just about everyone in this place." Dave retorted, rolling his eyes. "That's not a problem. It's _Pippin_ that's the problem."

"He does something other than place odd things in the microwave?" Dreamer asked.

"Uh yeah he does." Carter answered. "If anyone starts to see really weird animals running around, try not to panic. It's just a game….really."

"Now I'm **really **getting freaked out." Doc cut in bluntly.

"What is he talking about?" Mindy questioned, helping the now brought back Cenobites to their feet. "What game? Our game?"

"No, another game." Dave told her. "Much worse."

"For heaven's sake!" Archie scolded. "We don't know for sure she's even** here **much less if it was _her_ Pippin called!"

"Okay, her who?" Damon asked exasperated. "We may as well know who you** think** it is."

"Okay what did I miss, besides Ash killing Cenobites?"

"Female, short dark hair, grey eyes, with a guy named Griffin, and looking for Pippin." Archie replied turning to Cassi. "Did someone get a haircut by chance?"

Cassi frowned. "Yeah."

"Oh s**t." Dave muttered.

"Potty mouth!" Timmy Compy called out from across the room, rushing over with the bucket.

"Well at least someone else is finally paying up." Blackheart snorted. "So who is she and what game is everyone freaking out over?"

"They think the other Director is here and that Pippin, who is another one of her Assistants has called her here on the Jumanji rematch they owe the gremlins." Ardeth announced.

"Another Assistant." Xipe remarked, shaking his head. "Exactly how many of those do you **have **here?"

"Sven has quite a few." Cassi told him, shrugging. "But as far as I know she doesn't even know what's going on here. Not that I'd put it past Pippin to call her and tell her, but _**I**_ haven't told her and she hasn't been in here in a while." She paused. "And I don't know who Griffin is either."

"Can we just get back to the game before some monkey comes through on a speeder bike or something?" Carter asked, pointedly.

Joey stared at Carter. "Oookaaay."

"I think it's safer not to ask on that one." John Merchant remarked, quietly.

Hearing him, Xipe's head jerked up and he leapt over the desk to get a better look. "What is _**he **_doing here?"

"Playing the game." Elliot replied as if it were obvious.

Xipe's eyes narrowed and he glared at Cassi.

"What?" She asked, shrugging. "We do it to everyone. What makes **you** so special? Besides, he was kind'a good looking."

Blackheart made a face. "I had better not see the Rider come in here today."

"We haven't called him yet." Cassi informed him, matter of factly before she turned back to the group. "Okay peoples. The game can start back up now and for the record, the Cenobites Ash killed do not count as points whether he joins either side because they were done outside of the game. As of now, Spenser is at 21 and Xipe is at 20. Ardeth was worth 4, Blackheart."

Blackheart blinked. "Cool." He replied, making the correction on his sheet of paper.

"This is a list of the Xanth talents of the people on each team and what each team member is worth in points depending on their killing methods." Cassi went on. "Just so you know. Magician class talents are worth 4. You may all go back to your planning closets and get changed and ready to play some more."

"About time." Mindy spoke up, relieved to be finally relieved from cleanup.

"Pet, come with me." Cassi continued. "We're gonna go look in on Sven's Office."

"Yes ma'am." Archie replied, following her. He turned briefly motioning for Ash to follow.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile in the deserted backstage area, two humans, two um . . . Warners, two gremlins, a tiger and a hobbit had taken their seats around the opened game box. Off to the side, Griffin watched the group. He stood ready to teleport them as soon as the game started to let loose its occupants.<p>

They took turns rolling a different set of dice to see who would go first out of the eight of them, playing with partners in teams of two. Mohawk, the large spider-gremlin won the dice toss and grinned in triumph. After his long wait since the last game they had played, he finally had his chance to get to see the spiders from the game's jungle. He didn't really care who let them out, just as long as he got to see them in action, since they had not been released from the game the last time he had played it.

Exchanging excited looks, the group watched as the spider gremlin took the game dice in his claws and shook them up before dropping them into the middle of the game board.

* * *

><p><em>The Jumanji game mentioned was played in my story ER VS THE INFESTATION OF JEFFERY AND JEW-MAN-JAI" Breaktime Spoof 2. 'Jew-man-jai' was how Pippin originally pronounced the word Jumanji when he first found the box during "Fellowship of the Spoof." It has been played only twice since it was found, and Pippin has taken ownership of the game as he loves playing it. Last time Sven and Pippin played partners with Stripe and Mohawk, Carter and Ardeth, and Dave and Dr. Chen. <em>


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER NINE: **_**"CENOBITE ARMOR ON STEROIDS"**_

In the main filming room, before Cassi could even get to Sven's office, Elliot's group was met with Mohawk, the giant spider-gremlin and Stripe, who was in his human form. They were running at top speed from the back stage area, screaming.

"That looks bad." Carter spoke up, quickly turning and running, pulling Ardeth with him. On the way, both pulled their scimitars.

Elliot, knowing Carter would know what he was talking about, grabbed Joey by her arm and pulled her out of the way. From backstage came a loud buzzing noise.

"Run!" Lights shouted.

* * *

><p>In Med Lab, the Cenobites' group was helping the doctors on duty barricade the doors. Out in the hallway, a large infestation of what looked like giant mutated bees had just barely missed most of them as they'd entered the room. Fortunately, the Cenobites appeared to be immune to the stings, as were Blackheart and Julian. Covering for their teammates, particularly Kirsty, they'd fought the insects long enough for the humans in the group to get safely into Med Lab.<p>

Barbie had been the last to enter, leaving several scorched bees dying on the hallway floor behind them.

As soon as the doors were secure, the group, finally able to relax, flopped into chairs or just sat on the floor. In the corner, Chatterbeast held one giant bee in his claws as he ate it.

"What the heck is going on out there?" Greene demanded pounding the last nail into the board they'd used to cover the window. "Did someone bring something _else_ to this game?"

"Well not to _our_ game." Dave replied, panting. "That's _Jumanji_."

"Oh no way!" Benton exclaimed, kicking a chair over. "Tell me Pippin isn't at it** again**!"

"We'd be lying." Ryan responded.

"Sven's here too, and Mohawk and Stripe as well." Murdoc went on. "Apparently Pippin called Sven about that rematch and this is the result."

"Can someone please go into detail **why** we just had to run from giant mutated _**bees**_?" Blackheart spoke up loudly from where he was holding a rag over a sting on his wrist.

"_**Bees**_?" Greene returned, staring. "I thought that was the _mosquitoes_!"

"It has _mosquitoes_ _**too**_?" Dreamer asked aghast. Not waiting for an answer, she threw up her hands. "That's it! I want **body armor**!"

Dreamer had taken several stings on her legs and a couple more on her arms.

Kirsty frowned. "That's the game, _Jumanji_ like the movie right?" She asked, curiously.

Xipe turned to look at her, interested.

"Yeah." Dave answered.

"I don't remember bees in that movie." Kirsty remarked.

"They don't show everything in the movie." Dave told her, shaking his head. "It's a big jungle in there. There's a lot more that can come out. We had a giant python at County General and **that** wasn't in the movie either."

"What exactly have you seen come out of that game?" Xipe asked, pointedly. "Obviously, there aren't any doubts as to whether they have opened it by now."

"No, I'm convinced." Blackheart grumbled, letting Greene bandage his wrist. The venom had not affected him, but the sting wasn't pleasant.

Off to the side, several other Cenobites besides Dreamer were in the same condition, despite the fact that Xipe himself had managed to escape the insects' stingers.

"You're in luck." Greene responded, motioning to Malucci. "Dave was one of the players the last time they opened that game."

"Well yeah, but Carter knows more than I do what's in it." Dave informed them. "He was actually stuck _inside_ the game last time. I just dealt with the stuff that came out of it."

"That's when they roll a five or an eight, right?" Kirsty questioned.

Dave nodded. "First five or eight gets them stuck, second one gets them out."

"How do they roll if they are stuck?" Nikoletta asked.

"Not them." Dave corrected. "The next person to roll those numbers gets them out."

"Okay, so we've got bees, mosquitoes, and a giant python." Blackheart interrupted loudly. "What else can come out of there?"

"There was a guy with a shotgun." Kirsty replied.

"Um, no he's in the freezer." Greene cut in. "Aragorn shot him the first time they played the game and he was never brought back."

"Oh goodie." Dreamer snorted. "We have _enough_ guys running around with shotguns…and while I'm on that, how about the body armor?"

"I can help if you let us join the game." A small voice broke in.

Xipe turned. "We were told there were no children allowed." He pointed out, eying the odd looking kids that seemed to have come from the vent on the wall.

"They aren't children." Dave informed him bluntly. "They're the Brotherhood of Mutant Bullies. That's Magneato, Toadpole, Mysti Q, Snaggletooth, and Phyro. They can do everything their adult counterparts can do and you'd be insane not to let them join us."

Magneato grinned. "I can fix your body armor better than he can." He bragged, motioning to Damon who raised an eyebrow.

Xipe considered this. Obviously if they had been allowed out of the Children's Room, Aslan had full knowledge of it and therefore they were fair game. (so to speak) He looked at the small mutants and gave them a shrug. "Show me."

Magneato gave an evil smile. "You people gots a lot of metal in you." He commented, lifting the Cenobites into the air.

As soon as he was placed back on the floor, Xipe nodded. "Agreed." He responded, pushing Dreamer and Kirsty forward. "Start with them."

"Wait, why me?" Kirsty asked, confused. "I haven't even been here all that long."

"But you just became one of the most important people in the group and are now worth four points dead." Damon pointed out. "Or did you not realize you just got a Magician Class talent in the foyer when Xipe told you to bring back the dead ones?"

Kirsty closed her eyes, remembering what the others had said about Joey bringing back the dead on the other team.

"Sorry; no second thoughts darling." Murdoc retorted with a grin. "You already joined us, now you're stuck with us." He held out his hand and pulled a gun out of midair. "You _do_ still remember how to shoot this, right?"

"Do not let her innocent act fool you." Xipe remarked with a sly grin. "She **has** a body count."

"No worries." Ryan responded, shrugging. "She'll crack soon enough. They all do eventually."

Magneato grinned. "Playtime!"

* * *

><p>Outside the Offices in the corridor, Ash had freed the chainsaw from the case and was now facing down part of the swarm of bees.<p>

"Guess you got here just in time." Archie told him, shooting another bee out of the air.

"Maybe we should have brought a can of Raid!" Haldir put in, firing an arrow.

"Lion!" Archie shouted as the bees quickly dispersed.

"Other Lion." Aslan's voice came from behind them.

Cassi and the others exchanged a look and moved aside.

Aslan's roar echoed as the group covered their ears.

The lion from the game went silent, staring at him wide eyed before he quickly turned and ran off.

"Good kitty." Cassi spoke up, waving.

Ash blinked. "Wow."

"Aslan, Ash, Ash, Aslan." Archie responded, opening the door to Cassi's office for the others to enter.

"I'm assuming now we don't have to check Sven's office?" Haldir questioned.

"No, you don't." Aslan informed them. "She's here with Pippin, the Warners, the Gremlin leaders, and she's let Calvin and Hobbes in as well."

"And that Griffin?" Ash asked.

"Griffin is a teleporter . . . or a jumper." Aslan supplied. "He's also a new Assistant."

"A jumper?" Cassi responded, frowning. "Oh _that _guy! I saw that movie when Sven got it for me. She mentioned way back then she wanted him, but she'd quit writing and I guess I forgot about him. He was crazy."

"That explains a lot." Haldir commented, shaking his head.

"He's also more powerful than Wagner." Cassi went on.

"Explains how they got out of the parking lot so fast." Ash replied.

"Wait, they have Calvin and Hobbes in the building with a load of horror characters killing people?" Archie spat out.

Aslan nodded with a sigh. "I'd turned him out twice, but Sven is a Director and if she allowed them in, I couldn't stop him. "I'll see that he's kept away from the killings. He'll be involved in the game for the most part."

"Um, Elliot wants to know if you guys have got a minute!" Carter shouted from the end of the hallway. "We've got part of the team dead with bee stings and he wants to know what we're going to do about the animals running around."

"Tell him we're coming." Cassi called back. "Aslan, can you hold the bees off a while?"

"I'll save Joey the work of bringing back the dead, too." Aslan responded, leading the group back to the main filming area.

"How is the other team?" Cassi asked as they entered the main filming room.

The place was literally full of bodies, not all of which were involved in the game.

Aslan was quiet a moment. "They are barricaded inside Med Lab and the Cenobites, Blackheart and Julian are immune to the bee stings."

"What about the humans?" Archie questioned.

"No casualties." Aslan confirmed.

"Lucky bastards." Carter muttered.

"Look at the bright side." Cassi reminded him sweetly. "The people who die as a result of Jumanji don't count in points for the other team."

"Oh good." Doc responded. "Because Elliot and Joey are both dead."

* * *

><p>Meanwhile in the Green Room, where Griffin had moved them after Wakko had released the lion and made a run for it with his brother, Sven handed Calvin the dice. After a lively debate that had nearly ended in blows being exchanged, Calvin had reluctantly agreed to go first for himself and Hobbes.<p>

"What happens if I get stuck in the game?" Calvin asked, uncertain.

"Hobbes goes with you." Sven informed him.

"Thanks a lot." Hobbes snorted.

"You agreed to play." Pippin reminded them both. "Don't worry we're not going to stop playing so you won't be stuck long if you do."

Calvin shrugged and threw the dice. The five in the room leaned over to read the warning.

* * *

><p>Elliot frowned as he sat up. "Can someone explain to me how I died?"<p>

"You specified nobody could kill you except Xipe and us in charge." Cassi responded, shrugging. "You said nothing about being killed by natural causes."

"Giant killer bees are** not** natural." Elliot retorted, flatly.

"They're not part of the acting or directing team either." Aslan told him, pointedly. "That means they have nothing to do with your agreements."

Spenser sighed. "Fantastic. Thank you so much for letting me know this now."

"Oh like I knew Pippin was gonna get on his cell phone and ask Sven to play a game." Cassi put in, sarcastically. "Like I got up out of bed this morning and said 'hey, let's have a horror movie kill game and invite the Jumanji jungle to help trash the place just on the off-chance it's not completely trashed as it is!'"

"Hey, speaking of Jumanji, Calvin just let a big tiger out and he's hungry!" Sven shouted loudly.

"**Homicidal psycho jungle cat**!" Calvin shouted in warning.

The group turned around, but she and her group had already vanished, leaving only the large tiger standing in the doorway of the Green Room.

"I'm going to shoot that Griffin." Cassi muttered.

"Yeah, it** would** be Calvin that let the tiger out." Carter retorted, shaking his head.

The tiger, eying the crowd in the filming room, snarled and lunged for the nearest target which happened to be Dr. Carter, who was helping to bring back the dead.

Before the tiger could reach him, it was intercepted by the lion from the game. The two jungle cats proceeded to duke it out with each other.

"Wow, do you have some arrangement with the animals in that game?" Joey asked Carter staring. This was actually the second time Carter had been just missed by disaster. The first time being when the bees after him had accidentally flown into an open glass door.

Carter and Ardeth exchanged a glance. "No." Carter answered, nonchalantly. "Just lucky I guess."

Ardeth shook his head, stepping over to the fighting jungle cats. As soon as he was within six feet of them, they changed into two tiny kittens. "Problem solved." He announced. "Put these in the Kid Room. The kids will have a ball."

"As long as Jack doesn't decide to bring one home with him." Bobbi commented, watching two Jawas carry the snarling kittens away.

"I think they need to fight their own battles instead of disappearing and leaving their mess with the rest of us." Elliot remarked, rolling his eyes.

* * *

><p>"This game just got a lot fairer." Dreamer stated, grinning. She was now covered from neck to toes in regular Cenobite leather armor modified by Magneato, or Marblebrains, as the Medical crew called him, with a layer of Kevlar taken from Damon's body armor and molded to the inside of the leather itself.<p>

Kirsty, Murdoc, Ryan, Damon, Mindy, Julian, Blackheart and Dave had also been put into the leather and Kevlar, though Damon and Mindy had kept their masks and Blackheart had chosen to keep his trench coat, despite the paint damage on it.

The Cenobites that weren't already in them had switched to armored leather pants, Xipe included, and all had taken on more weapons, some hidden in various parts of their new armor.

"I am taking this clothing back home with me." Nikoletta spoke up grinning.

Xipe closed his fist, extending the twin fourteen inch Predator-style blades built into the armor covering his right wrist. "Most definitely." He agreed with a sadistic grin.

Kirsty rolled her eyes. "Just what you need."

"You're just jealous." He retorted.

"I want one those." Dreamer spoke up, wide eyed.

"I can make more, just not in adamantium." Magneato informed them. "That's all there was."

Damon chuckled, grinning. "Spenser will be so jealous."

"Let's not tell anyone they're adamantium yet." Murdoc suggested.

"Make some more in regular steel." Xipe ordered. "I'll take one for the other arm too."

"I'm seriously starting to feel sorry for the next poor sucker that opens that box." Mindy remarked, laughing. "They're going to get a big surprise."

"You'll have to ask Aslan and Cassi about taking them home with you." Murdoc announced to the group. "Though frankly I don't see why not. They let Freddy take _**his **_home with him."

"Freddy?" Mindy questioned.

"Krueger." Murdoc replied. "Cassi and Sven gave him gloves with retractable adamantium claws, and then they made it so he could shape shift from burned to normal looking and still have all his dream demon abilities. He was an Assistant for a while too."

Damon raised an eyebrow. "What do we have to do to get him on our team? Does he have a beeper we can call?"

"Well he had a beeper, but I'm not sure what happened to it." Ryan informed them. "We can probably call him up though. He's a part time resident here."

"Cool." Dreamer commented.

"He tends to hang out with Logan too." Murdoc went on. "They go out drinking together."

"Ew, the hairy Gorilla." Phyro retorted, sticking his tongue out.

"_Gorilla_?" Xipe inquired, frowning.

"Wolverine." Murdoc explained. "All the X-Babies and Bullies call him that . . . but he has an adamantium skeleton including claws, a healing factor, animal senses, and he's near impossible to kill without a light saber."

"I like him already." Blackheart responded, testing out his own wrist blades as soon as Magneato completed them.

"Light sabers!" Mindy announced, grinning. "**That's** what we need! I want a light saber!" The group turned to look at Murdoc.

Murdoc laughed and turned to Gaerity. "See? It never fails." He told his friend, shaking his head. "**Everyone** wants those things."

* * *

><p>"Whoa!" Pippin exclaimed as the Jumanji playing group took off running. "I didn't even know the game <strong><em>had<em>** great big killer birds!"

"Less talk. More run." Hobbes shouted, ducking as the giant bird's beak nearly pecked down on him.

"You think we should maybe warn everyone?" Wakko asked, dodging another beak.

"Nah, they're mad at us already." Sven replied turning and shooting one of the birds. "We don't want them any madder."

"Ah psychology." Griffin responded, rolling his eyes.

* * *

><p><em>Reference of calling Magneato "Marblebrains" was started in <em>_**Fellowship of the Spoof**__ when Magneato was playing the part of Frodo and Magneto (the adult) was playing Gandalf. Because the names sounded so much alike to the point of confusion, the X-Babies started calling Magneato 'Marblebrains,' and Magneto 'Fathead.' So for the 2nd __**Lord of the Rings Spoof**__, we have "Marblebrains Bagless" and "Fathead the White."_

_**SpoofAuthors: **__Known for serving light sabers to psychopaths since 2000. ;)_


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